Total pages in book: 123
Estimated words: 114467 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 572(@200wpm)___ 458(@250wpm)___ 382(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 114467 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 572(@200wpm)___ 458(@250wpm)___ 382(@300wpm)
“Stay in touch,” Jeffrey says, hugging me and then walking out. The minute I hear the door slam, the sob escapes from my throat. I try to block it with my hand, but I can’t. It’s bigger than me. This whole thing is bigger than me. Zara runs into the room and sees me violently shaking as I try to stand. My knees shake so badly I barely make it to the couch.
“What should we do?” Evan asks, and Zara looks at him. I fall to the side of the couch and just curl up, the sobs slowly trickling off as I stare into space. I don’t even hear what they are talking about. I hear nothing. I just close my eyes and pray that the pain goes away.
I feel a blanket put on top of me, and I just stay here with my eyes closed. Eventually, I doze off, but I don’t know how long I’m out for. I feel little kisses on my face, and I slowly open my eyes, and I see my mom. The tears fill her eyes, and she tries to blink them away, but she can’t. “Hey, baby girl.” She tries to smile big, but you can see it’s forced.
“Mom,” I say, confused and then look around and see Zara sitting on the other couch with Allison beside her with her arms around Zara as she just looks at me helplessly.
“I didn’t know what to do,” Zara says quietly. “I’m sorry, Zoe,” she sobs, and Allison just pulls her closer.
“It’s just us,” my mother says. “Just us girls.”
“Mom,” I say, my throat feeling harsh and dry. “I fell in love,” I tell her, and now she just lets the tears escape. “And it hurts.”
“Oh, baby,” she says, bending down to hug me, and her hug makes me feel safe, like everything is going to be okay.
“He doesn’t love me,” I tell her. “And no matter how much I tried not to love him, I couldn’t stop.”
“You can’t stop love,” my mother says. “If anyone knows that, it’s me.” She sits up and looks at me. “When I met your father, the last thing I wanted or was looking for was love.”
“When I fell in love with Max, I fought it,” Allison says. “I didn’t even know I loved him until it was too late.” She wipes her own tears away from her eyes.
“Except you guys ended up with the one you fell in love with, and well …” I say, getting up and sitting next to my mother. “It’s just …” I shake my head and say the words. “It will never happen for me.”
“Well, it’s his loss,” Zara says angrily. “Fuck him,” she says, standing up. “Maybe it’s not love.”
“Okay, there,” Allison says, getting up. “Let’s get you some water and maybe you need a snack. You sound hangry.” She grabs Zara’s hand, and they leave the room.
“I love him so much it hurts everywhere,” I tell my mother, and she just nods her head. “I knew falling in love with him was wrong. I knew that it was.” I shake my head. “But it just happened so slowly that I couldn’t stop it once it was all there in front of me.”
“It sneaks up on you without an option,” she says. “No matter how much you would have fought it, it would have happened anyway.”
“But shouldn’t it happen with a man who would love me back?” I ask her. “A man who looks at me like I hang the moon and stars. A man who is going to put me before everything?” I shake my head. “I kissed him once.” I look at her. “One time. One kiss. And I know it’s a kiss that I’ll be looking for, for my whole life.”
“Zoe,” my mother says, grabbing my hand and squeezing. Zara and Allison come back in the room.
“One kiss and I knew,” I say softly and take a drink from the water bottle that Allison handed me. “One kiss, one little kiss that lasted maybe a minute, and it just …” I laugh bitterly. “It made sense. It made me finally click everything into place.” I look at Zara and Allison and then my mother. “It was like all those other kisses were a lead up to the perfect one.”
“You’ll have other kisses,” Allison says. “And this one will just linger in the back.”
“You aren’t going to get over him,” Zara says, and my mother and sister just look at her. “What? I’m not lying to her. If she loves him the way I know she does, she will never get over him.” Then she looks at Allison. “Would you be able to get over Max?” Allison glares at her. “And you,” she says to my mother. “You still look at Dad with all the hearts and all the gross things that I don’t want to think about when it comes to my parents.”