Total pages in book: 123
Estimated words: 114467 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 572(@200wpm)___ 458(@250wpm)___ 382(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 114467 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 572(@200wpm)___ 458(@250wpm)___ 382(@300wpm)
“Yeah, I just stick to Instagram,” Evan says. “It’s easier. Anyway, I’m going to text you her number,” he says, and my phone goes off. “She’s waiting for your call.”
“Thank you,” I say, looking down at her number.
“Hey, are you okay?” he asks me quietly. “You’ve been a little withdrawn lately, and I know how much being on the road sucks,” he says quietly, and I look around and see that no one else is paying attention to us.
“Yeah, it’s been okay. Nights are rough, but nothing I haven’t done before,” I say, looking down at my phone.
“Well, I’m here if you need me,” he says, putting on his suit jacket. “A couple of us are headed out to dinner if you want to join us.”
“I’m actually going to go to a meeting not too far from here,” I tell him, getting up and putting on my jacket and beanie on my head. “But thanks for the offer.” Evan nods at me. I follow him but go in the other direction, calling Candace as I walk. We chat for thirty minutes, and I hire her on the spot. The only thing she said I should handle is Instagram just because it’s more hands on and people like the stories. I hang up with her and make my way to the meeting. I nod at the person who looks like he is in charge and sit down.
It’s a little easier to go to meetings where I don’t see the same people all the time because I can let go of a little bit more each time. When it’s my time to talk, I take a deep breath.
“I’m Viktor, and I’ve been clean for six months,” I say, and the people sitting in the circle clap. “I just finished step five,” I say and then look down at my hands. “Almost. I still have to tell someone.”
“It’s not easy to find that person,” a woman in front of me says.
“I know,” I continue. “The thing is, I know who I want to share it with. I just …” I swallow the lump in my throat. “I’m scared or, better yet, afraid she’ll realize I’m not good enough for her.”
“Then she isn’t the person you think she is,” someone else says, and I shake my head.
“That’s the thing. She’s the right person.” I sit up now. “She’s the only person really. The only one who really matters, if I’m honest.” I look around and see a couple of people nod. “She didn’t know who I was. She only knows who I am.”
“But who you were is what made you who you are today,” the woman says. “You aren’t two people.” I nod at her. “You’re still the same person, just different. There will always be a Viktor; there is just going to be a Viktor now.”
“Yes,” I say, agreeing with her. “There is the old me, who I’m not proud of, and the new me, who is starting to be worthy of people.”
“You have to let go of the Viktor from before. Whatever or whoever that was, you have to let that person go. Leave all the defects from the old Viktor and start with positive Viktor, the new Viktor. Instead of looking at it as if she will see what’s wrong with me, you should be thinking she will see how much better I am. How far I’ve come. It’s the positive that is needed here.”
“I guess being scared is never going to leave no matter how far we come. Fear is there regardless. Before the fear was people knowing I was high and trying to hide it. Now I fear that people think I’m still that person.”
“That is what step six is all about.” She smiles at me, and I nod to the next person, and he starts to talk. I listen to everyone, and when it’s over, I’m the first one to leave. I walk out of there with my head just one touch clearer than it was when I walked in there.
For the next couple of games, it’s almost like I’m more comfortable in my skin or on my skates. We head back home with three wins on the road and me with five points. We have one day to rest and then a big game on Saturday. I’ve stuck to my guns about not seeing or texting Zoe.
I dress in a black suit and try to steady my heart, knowing tonight I will probably see Zoe. Saturday night games, we usually have a dinner afterward with most players and their families.
Walking into the arena, I nod at Matthew, who is talking to Max and Evan.
“Hey,” I say when I get close enough to them. They are huddled outside of the locker room. “What’s up?”
“Nothing,” Evan says and then looks down. “M&M are a bit aggravated.”