Total pages in book: 123
Estimated words: 114467 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 572(@200wpm)___ 458(@250wpm)___ 382(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 114467 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 572(@200wpm)___ 458(@250wpm)___ 382(@300wpm)
“But …” Evan says, and I shake my head.
“I love him,” I tell him, and it feels just a bit better to have it out into the open. “I love him, and I know it’s not his problem, it’s mine. He told me not to fall in love with him. He told me that he couldn’t do this, and I stupidly fell in love with him anyway.”
Zara gets off the bed and comes over and takes me in her arms. “You are not stupid,” she whispers in my ear.
“I am stupid,” I tell her and Evan. “And I wish him nothing but the best, but I can’t even go there. I can’t handle it.” Zara releases me, and I stand next to her now with her arm around my shoulder. “My heart can’t take it.” Evan just looks at me, and I’m about to say something else when the doorbell rings.
“Who can that be?” Zara asks, and Evan shoots off the bed and walks out of the room. We follow with him in the background, and I’m on the stairs when I hear the soft voice.
“I know it’s early,” Jeffrey says, and I stop in the middle of the staircase on my way down. His eyes fly up to mine. This man is pretty much a stranger, yet he is the closest thing to Viktor that I have. “I wanted to see if you were okay.” I take a deep breath and walk down the remaining stairs.
“Why don’t we make coffee and give them a chance to talk,” Evan says, going to Zara, but Zara doesn’t move until I give her a silent nod.
“Do you want to come in?” I say softly, and he nods and follows me into the living room. I sit on the couch, and he sits next to me. His hand comes out, and he puts it on my knee.
“How are you doing?” he asks me. I look at him, and I try not to let it show on my face, but I can’t.
“I want to be all proud and tell you that I’m fine, but I’m not,” I tell him softly.
“It’s hard loving someone who is an addict.” I want to correct him, and he just smiles. “Once an addict, always an addict.” He moves his hand from my knee and then puts his elbows on his knees and folds his hands together. “You love him.”
“Why does everyone care how I feel about him?” I tell him, getting up to walk off the nerves. “You guys should be focusing on him and helping him through whatever the hell he is going through.”
“Well, that answers that question,” he says.
“He’s a broken man.” I stand in front of him, and I let it all out. “A man I knew was broken yet still fell for. He also warned me that he can’t get involved. He can’t go there with me, and I agreed with him.”
“But love is love,” he says, leaning back. “It happens when it wants to happen and not when it should. The thing is when you’re recovering, especially in that first year, you are so afraid that the love you find is actually love and not just something to replace the addiction.”
“He doesn’t love me,” I tell him, and he shakes his head and laughs.
“The man almost washed away eight months of being clean less than ten hours ago, and the only thing he told me was to make sure you were okay,” he says with a smile. “He’s a broken man, there is no doubt about it, but even broken men love.” He looks down and then up. “Even this broken man.”
“Jeffrey,” I say softly.
“I sat there stoned while my child cried because she had a needle stuck in her leg from crawling,” he says, and my hand goes to my heart to hold my chest. “I was past the point of being broken. I was a hollow broken man, and I had nothing left. Nothing, but slowly, I accepted the love that people gave me.”
“He’s stronger than anyone I’ve ever known,” I say to him. “He deserves to have that love. He deserves to have it all. The love, the happiness, everything and …” I hold my breath as I say the last part. “I hope he finds it.” The little pieces of my heart that weren’t broken now explode into little shards, pinching and stabbing my chest. “I hope he finds it, and he has the best of everything.”
Jeffrey looks at me and just nods his head. “I can’t love him for both of us.” I tell him what I told Viktor.
He just nods and gets up, coming over to me. “You’re a good woman, Zoe, and you deserve that happiness. You deserve the love that you want for Viktor.”
“I do,” I say, holding back the tears. “I know I do.”