Total pages in book: 123
Estimated words: 114467 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 572(@200wpm)___ 458(@250wpm)___ 382(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 114467 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 572(@200wpm)___ 458(@250wpm)___ 382(@300wpm)
“She’s right,” my mother says. “You will never forget him, and a piece of your heart will always love him. But,” she says, “I refuse to let you not fall in love again. Because it’s beautiful, it’s everything, and I want you to have it. To love with your whole heart and wake up every single day knowing that the man you love thinks you walk on water. I want you to be worshipped and cherished, and I want someone who is going to put you before them,” she says. “You deserve nothing but that,” she says, silently crying. “You deserve it all, Zoe. You are a warrior,” she says. “You play this tough girl, and you always have. The girl who doesn’t show her emotions, but when she loves, she loves with everything she has.”
“That isn’t me,” I tell her.
“That is you one hundred percent,” Zara and Allison say at the same time.
I look over at my mother. “When is the hurt going to not hurt?”
“I wish I knew, baby girl,” she says. “How about we just do one day at a time?”
“One day at a time.” I whisper the words that Viktor used to say all the time. “One day at a time.” I look at the women in my life; the ones who will be hereto help hold me up. I can’t help but think of Viktor and wonder who is holding him up, who is there with him. I block out the answer, but my head whispers, You want to be that person.
Chapter Twenty-Nine
Viktor
“It’s clean,” Matthew says, hanging up the phone. He tells me what I already knew, but it still feels good to hear. It’s been two days since I had those people at my house, two days since I stood up to the drug and said no. It’s been two days since I’ve seen her, and it’s been two days since my heart stopped beating normally.
I’ve spent the past two days sitting on my couch in the dark, then the light, not moving as I replay it over and over in my head. The only time I smiled was when Jeffrey came over and told me he saw her. Zoe. The name that is on my lips each and every single time I wake up in a pool of sweat. The name that I linger on when I look down at my phone. The text thread I keep reading and re-reading.
“Well, at least one good thing is going right,” I tell him and turn to walk out of his office and then stop and turn around. “She okay?” I ask him, and I see his jaw get tight.
“No,” Max answers. Then he looks at Matthew. “Tell me if it was Karrie you wouldn’t want to know.”
“Zara had to call Parker and Allison to come down because she didn’t know what else to do.” The pain I had in my chest is now fifty times worse than it was before, and if I didn’t know better, I would think I was having a heart attack. “She is kicking everyone out tonight,” he says, and I want to puff out my chest and be proud of how strong she is.
I don’t say anything to him. I just nod my head and walk to the gym. I spend two hours running—two hours trying to clear my head—but for once, I’m not thinking about me. I’m thinking about Zoe. When I finish in the shower, the locker room is empty since it was an optional day. I’m walking out when the phone buzzes in my pocket, and I see it’s Zara
Zara: Do you have time to talk?
I answer her back right away
Me: Name the time and place.
Zara: Coffee shop at corner of your house in twenty minutes.
Me: I’ll be there.
I rush to get there, and when I walk in, I’m not surprised that Evan is with her. Zara gets up, and I know she and Zoe are identical twins, but Zoe’s eyes are bigger and brighter, and her smile is fuller, and she just is more beautiful than Zara. I walk over to the table, my eyes never leaving hers. “Hey,” I say, sitting down at the table that they are sitting at in the back. It’s a tiny round table with only three chairs.
“I’m only here to make sure that my wife leaves you in one piece,” Evan says, and I just nod at him.
“You fucked up, Viktor,” Zara says. I look at her, and I’m not the one saying anything. Instead, it’s Evan.
“Sweet,” he says, and she holds up a hand to stop him.
“I don’t mean like that. I mean that you fucked up by letting her walk away.”
“You have me there. I fucked up by not chasing her, but I have to take care of me before I can take care of her.”