Total pages in book: 151
Estimated words: 139803 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 699(@200wpm)___ 559(@250wpm)___ 466(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 139803 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 699(@200wpm)___ 559(@250wpm)___ 466(@300wpm)
Axel and Julian both wrapped a hand around my thighs, anchoring me to the present, silently reminding me that they were here to protect me and guard me.
I wasn’t alone—not now, not ever again.
I drew in another deep breath and let my eyes meet Vincent’s.
31
Vincent’s eyes narrowed where Julian and Axel were gripping my thighs. I moved to pull away, but both men tightened their hands, a silent warning to stop fighting them. I rolled my bottom lip into my mouth before I closed my eyes, inhaling deeply, bringing my hands up to my face for a moment, trying to calm my nerves.
“You wanted to talk?” I asked Vincent when I finally looked back at him.
He sighed but nodded. “Axel came to visit me, said some things that kind of opened my eyes,” he admitted. He blew out a harsh breath. “Fuck, Meghan, where did it all go wrong?” he asked me, sounding lost and torn. My heart was thumping so hard in my chest that it vibrated through my teeth. “We were so fucking close.”
I rubbed the heel of my hand against my chest, wishing it would somehow magically reduce the speed of my heartbeat. “You looked at me differently, Vincent,” I told him, my voice breaking on his name. “You looked at me like a monster when you found me high and bleeding.” Julian flinched next to me. I reached over and grabbed his hand in mine. He silently linked our fingers together. “And you looked . . . disgusted when you witnessed me have a panic attack the day you came to visit me.”
Vincent blew out a harsh breath. “You’ve always been so strong, Meghan. I didn’t know—fuck, I still don’t know—how to deal with who you are now.”
My bottom lip trembled. “I wasn’t strong, Vincent.” Tears slid down my cheeks. His words felt like they were cutting me with a knife. “I was barely living, barely fucking breathing. I blocked out so much in order to cope, and it was unhealthy. When I miscarried Oliver, I spiraled. I lost my grip on my sanity, and I fucking hit rock bottom. It was dark, Vincent. It was so fucking dark, and I was alone.”
“Sometimes, I regret putting you in that center.” I sucked in a sharp breath of surprised air. “They changed you—made you into somebody completely different. You never needed medication before, Meghan. Why now?”
“Because I fucking lost myself, Vincent!” I shouted at him as I stood up and drew in a ragged breath. I couldn’t look at him right then though. “I was locked in a fucking padded room for almost an entire week because I wouldn’t stop hallucinating and trying to hurt myself and everyone around me,” I choked out. I spun around to face him. “Don’t you get that?” I begged. “You fucking saved my life, Vincent. I would have continued getting high and slicing my wrists until I died on the floor of my dorm room because I was so lost and confused. I wanted to feel everything, and at the same time, I wanted to feel nothing at all. If you hadn’t put me in that center and forced me to get better, I would have killed myself.”
I angrily swiped my hands over my cheeks, hating that I was crying in front of him, but he didn’t care about who I was now, and that hurt. It hurt like a fucking bitch.
“My medication is helping me, Vincent,” I told him, my voice weak and strangled. “You think I like having to take it? I fucking don’t, but it’s saving my damn life. It’s keeping my moods stabilized. If I go without them, I’ll sink back down again and end up right back at square one.”
“There’s coping strategies—"
“Why are you so against this?!” I yelled at him, cutting off whatever bullshit he was about to say, my chest heaving up and down. “Why are you so fucking against something that is helping me?!”
“Easy, sweet girl,” Axel soothed. He grabbed my hand and rubbed soothing circles on the back of it. “Breathe.”
I drew in a ragged breath, my eyes never wavering from Vincent. His eyes flickered between Axel and Julian before he jumped up from the couch with a disgusted sound. I flinched. “Let me guess, the medication is making you fuck two men at the same time?”
I felt like he’d sliced through my gut. Julian and Axel both jumped off the couch. “Julian,” Axel called as he drew me into his arms. “She needs you. I’ll take care of him.”
“I told you,” I choked out, my shoulders shaking as I cried.
“Shh, sweet girl,” Axel soothed, brushing his lips to my forehead. “Fuck him. You’re happy with us. That’s all that matters.” He looked back up at Julian who was toe to toe with Vincent. “Julian!” Axel barked. “I said she fucking needs you.”