Total pages in book: 79
Estimated words: 73556 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 368(@200wpm)___ 294(@250wpm)___ 245(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 73556 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 368(@200wpm)___ 294(@250wpm)___ 245(@300wpm)
“Oh, for sure. I get it.” Lennox took a toke of his cigar, then extinguished it.
“So, I enrolled in college, as you know, started an internship, got permanently hired, and flew up the ranks. This is my callin’. If there’s a dollar sign in front of it, I got you covered. The rest is history.”
Lennox lowered his head, his thoughts undoubtedly whirling.
“Diabolical but brilliant plan, Roman. You know you don’t have to worry about me squealin’ on you. That said, why in the hell would you write that down?”
Roman sighed. “I needed to keep myself in check. I needed a record of what I had done, to keep it fresh in my mind. I never wanted to be in that position in life again, where I was literally risking my freedom to pay bills. Where I had to cheat to get right. I also wrote it down because that’s not the only thing in that book… it was just one of many stories. I… I had been writing in that book for years. It was all of my plans. Ideas. My father gave me that book to write in when I went off to the Marines. I was supposed to write a letter every week to him and my mother. Tear a page from it and send it home.
“I did that for a short while, but then, turned it into a journal. I had nobody to talk to. I trusted no one, Lennox.” His cousin nodded in understanding. “All of this rage. This sadness. This confusion… This frustration. It had to come out somehow, some way. That journal was my therapist. She—yeah, I call the book a she—saved my life. I would look back at how far I’d come, man. I’d read about my mindset years prior and see the growth. When I would tell myself that I wasn’t shit… that I wasn’t good enough… that I wasn’t going to make it or be anything in life, I’d pick up that journal, and I’d read from years back…” He paused, swallowing his emotions.
“…I’d see me livin’ in my car. The words on the page took me right back there, Lennox. At the time, I was too prideful to ask my mother if I could sleep at her house. After I got out of the Marines, my life was a nightmare. A big depressing loop of despair. I wrote it all down. I’d re-read that book, and I saw the times I’d strike out at people… how long I’d keep a grudge. Hold on to rage. Some things I never got over. People I trusted who betrayed me… people I should have trusted, I didn’t, and kept out of my life. Some people shouldn’t have trusted me, either. That journal kept me in check. I could see in that book where I had gone wrong and learned from my mistakes.
“It kept me on level ground. I hadn’t written in it in a couple of years, there’s only a few blank pages left, but it’s main purpose now, was just for me to reflect. I had just looked in it about a day or two before it was stolen. If my home was on fire, I’d take my cash I keep on hand, and that book, Lennox. That’s how much it means to me. And then… Grandpa got a hold of it.” Bile rose in his throat. Strawberries and bananas kept repeating like a song on a radio.
“Too bad he’s not illiterate.” Lennox joked.
“I’m not an open person. I’m not like you… I keep secrets, but I could be honest in that book, Lennox. Now he knows what makes me tick. He knows my vices. He knows the things I’ve done and what I think about those things. He knows my failures. My insecurities. My pain. It’s like giving the Devil a list of everything you’re allergic to but hopin’ he doesn’t use it against you.” His jaw clenched. “Trust and believe, Grandpa now has the keys to destroy me. That book is his evidence. My fingerprints are all over it. It’s my handwriting. People over the years have probably seen me writin’ in it. And he knows how to submit it to the right people, so I could end up with a few felonies for other shit I’ve done over the years, millions of dollars owed in restitution, and behind bars for Lord knows how long, maybe even for the rest of my life, if they stack the individual charges.”
“Shit. Fuck!” Lennox closed his eyes and shook his head. “So now he can hold this over your head. He’s doing the same thing to you that he did to me, only he went about it a different way. Mine was the long game. With you, he’s adjusting as new information comes in. What about a statute of limitations? I mean, I’m no lawyer like my wife, but it’s worth asking.”