Total pages in book: 120
Estimated words: 112917 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 565(@200wpm)___ 452(@250wpm)___ 376(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 112917 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 565(@200wpm)___ 452(@250wpm)___ 376(@300wpm)
“Chaska Inira,” Landry muttered. “Fucking know-it-all.”
“Uh-huh. I’m sure. Can we move on? Advice? Please?”
Landry flicked his hair over his shoulder. “Of course. I don’t care about Kenji or his Peruvian healer. Like, at all.”
“Right. Anyway, here’s the situation with B-Ryan.” I cleared my throat. “We hooked up.”
Landry blinked sarcastically, if such a thing was possible. “You don’t say. The way he ran to comfort you during your nightmare and looks like he wants to rip my hands off with his meaty paws anytime I happen to touch you gave me zero clue this might happen.” He held his hands up to the camera and turned them back and forth. “If I didn’t like you so much, Zane, I’d never risk these beauties in the presence of your growly lover boy.”
“Okay, but like… it isn’t actually… There are no feelings. No… no love with the lover boy. It’s just sex. Temporarily. While we’re here in No—nowheresville. And when we leave here, it’ll be over. That was what we agreed. Back to normal. Bodyguard, principal. That’s it.”
“Right.”
I cleared my throat again. “But like… what if we didn’t? What if I told him I wanted it to continue after No-nowheresville? What if I wanted to… keep, um…”
“Fucking the big, beautiful man who practically lives with you?”
My heart rate skyrocketed. “Yeah. That. But, like… it would be wrong. Right? And it wouldn’t go anywhere, so what would the purpose be?”
“Well, some could argue the purpose was for fucking fun, Zane. Some people simply fuck for physical release and pleasure. Take me, for example. I fuck without feelings. It’s the easiest way to stay free. Keep your options open. Not be tied down.”
Something about his words seemed overly nonchalant, but maybe he was just exaggerating to make a point.
“What… what if I wanted to be tied down?”
Landry’s lips quirked up. “Tell the big growly bear that’s what you want, and I’m sure he’ll whip out a book on knots, sweetheart. If he needs recommendations, let me know.”
I rolled my eyes. “Can you be serious, please? I really…” I exhaled. “I really want to keep messing around with him. I… I can keep it casual. I can… stay free.”
His smile dropped. “You? Not a chance. You’ll end up having feelings. I mean, I’m able to keep that shit locked down. But you’re a softie. And when feelings start getting involved, things get complicated. You’ll find you try to get his attention all the time, doing crazy shit. You’ll worry constantly that he’s not as into you as you are to him. Maybe he’ll be too laser focused on his job or… or focused on some random Peruvian faith healer. Or maybe he’ll just lose patience with your bullshit after a while. And then where do you find yourself? Not in a good place, my friend. Not in a good place.” He sucked in a breath. “That’s why Uncle Landry’s mantra is fuck only for fun. F-OFF.”
I opened my mouth to ask about the Peruvian thing, but he continued talking.
“And the money is a complication. I mean, look at Bash and Rowe, and Silas and Way, and even Dev and Tully. It’s not easy explaining that you have a billion dollars to someone who’s had to work his ass off all his life. And secrets. Christ, the secrets. How do you tell him you’ve been keeping a huge secret from him without him thinking you don’t trust him? You can’t. And if you don’t tell the secret, it will continue to keep you apart. But that’s probably a good thing, which is why… F-OFF. Less complicated.” He ended with a shrug.
This was confusing because I was ninety-nine percent sure he was talking about Kenji… but Kenji already knew our financial situations intimately. What other secrets was he talking about?
I refocused on my own problem… which was more than enough to deal with.
“B-Ryan already knows about my money. I mean, not the money from ETC, but the money from my music career. It’s not really that different. And as for the secret of founding and selling ETC…” I shrugged. “He wouldn’t expect to have known before now. We haven’t shared that kind of personal information. So… you think it’s fine if I keep messing around with him, even after we leave No-nowheresville? We just… F-OFF indefinitely?”
My stomach twisted at the idea that what I did with Bear was fucking only for fun, that it wasn’t serious and didn’t carry any emotional connection. That didn’t feel right. It didn’t feel accurate, but it also didn’t feel enough.
“You and Ryan?” Landry snorted. “Definitely not. You’re incapable of not caring about someone, Zane. You’re like… a giant squishy heart walking around unprotected in the world without even a rib cage to protect it.”
I clenched my jaw. “Everyone seems to think I’m a tiny newborn baby who needs to be protected from the world. It’s annoying as fuck, Landry. There’s a difference between being weak and being kind.”