Total pages in book: 120
Estimated words: 112917 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 565(@200wpm)___ 452(@250wpm)___ 376(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 112917 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 565(@200wpm)___ 452(@250wpm)___ 376(@300wpm)
Confess that I had a crush on him and fantasized about him being more than my bodyguard.
“Do what?” I asked nervously. Did any of those thoughts show on my face?
“Say you’re fine all the fucking time,” he growled. “Fucking drives me fucking crazy.”
“That’s a lot of fucks,” I said, hearing the breathy sound in my voice. He was so close. So hot. So incredibly open to kissing and touching me. Why were we talking right now?
His big hand came up to hold my face so he could peer into it. “I said this the other day, but in case you’ve forgotten: I don’t want your fines, Zane. I want your real feelings. But here’s the thing… I don’t think you tell yourself your real feelings. I don’t think you let yourself have any.”
I inhaled a shaky breath. “That’s… a lot for first thing in the morning.”
And it was the opposite of sexy.
Bear studied me for a moment. “Want me to back off?” He started to pull away, but I grabbed his shirt and held him close.
“No.”
He studied me again but didn’t say anything. I smoothed his shirt over his chest and stomach as an excuse to feel the ridges of muscles beneath it.
“I, ah…” I looked down at my hand and the smooth performance fabric. For some reason, a trivia factoid hit my brain. “This fabric is called Elustre. It’s, um. Environmentally friendly or something. I read an article on it once.”
“Zane. If you don’t want to talk about it…”
I kept studying the fabric. “I have to be fine, Bear. A lot of people are counting on me.”
His hand came up to toy with my hair. I loved how obsessed he was with running his fingers through it. “It’s okay to not be fine, Z.”
“But I am fine. I am.”
He stepped closer and kissed the top of my head. “Okay.” He started to turn around as if letting it go, but I realized I didn’t want to.
I grabbed his shirt again. “Wait.”
For as grumpy and commanding as Bear sometimes was, he was also incredibly gentle and patient with me. He exuded a calm I didn’t often feel these days.
He stepped close again and ran his hands up my thighs. “Talk to me… and not like I’m someone with expectations of you.”
“I just…” I took a breath and exhaled. “I just feel like I’ve been given this gift. This chance to help people. Help kids in situations like I was in. Help adults like my parents and my grandmother. Because of this job, I get to employ lots of people. Pay them good wages and offer good benefits. I get to give a ton of money away to charity and…” I let out another breath. “How the hell am I allowed to complain or stress or… or want things to be different… when I have everything?”
My throat tightened in fear that he wouldn’t understand. That he would think I was entitled. That I was making a mountain out of a molehill.
“And really,” I continued nervously, “in the grand scheme of things, I don’t have anything to complain or stress about, and I don’t really want things to be different… much. Saying I’m fine is about keeping things in perspective. No matter how bad things are for me, they’re seriously so much better than they are for almost everyone else in that world. You know?”
He made a sound of disapproval in his throat. “No, I don’t know. You’re allowed to feel sad and scared and upset. You’re allowed to put your own needs first. You’re allowed to admit you’re tired. Remember that you’re a role model to millions, Z. You can show people it’s okay to take a break.”
“I am taking a break!” I squawked. “I’m going to Majestic for Christmas.”
“Good. But it will also be the first vacation you’ve taken in a year, with the exception of a few days here and there.”
“Same with you,” I snapped back like a petulant child. “Your holiday visit to Montana will be your first break since you came to work for me.”
He nodded. “Not quite the same thing, but okay.”
“You work hard, too,” I pointed out.
“I sit around and shoot people evil looks while bossing around a diva celebrity,” he said, a grin teasing the edge of his mouth. “It’s not that hard.”
I knew he didn’t actually believe I was a diva celebrity, but since being perceived as one was a big fear of mine, my face must have fallen.
“Zane, Jesus Christ,” he said, moving a hand up to clasp gently around the front of my throat. Blood shot straight to my dick so fast I almost swooned. “You’re the opposite of a diva. You never make demands.”
My brain went spinning. I want to demand you bend me over and put your cock in me.