Total pages in book: 120
Estimated words: 112917 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 565(@200wpm)___ 452(@250wpm)___ 376(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 112917 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 565(@200wpm)___ 452(@250wpm)___ 376(@300wpm)
“That’s not what I meant.”
“Then what did you mean?” I recognized I was being snappish, but I hated the idea that I couldn’t look out for myself.
Landry had witnessed the night I’d woken up from a nightmare screaming for Bear, and that was humiliating. But I didn’t like being perceived as someone who needed coddling… and what was worse was worrying it was actually true.
Ryan Galloway was someone who valued strength, endurance, perseverance under pressure. I didn’t want to be the opposite of that. Someone who was weak. Who ran screaming at the slightest fear. Who wanted to hide away from danger.
“I meant that you love with your whole self, Zane,” he said hesitantly. I could tell he was trying to choose his words carefully without sounding condescending. “That’s one of the things we all love about you. You have a giant heart. You want to believe the best of everyone. But it also leaves you vulnerable to being taken advantage of. Of being hurt.”
“I’m going to tell B-Ryan about the money. About ETC.”
I expected him to argue. At the very least, I expected a reminder that only life partners were privy to that information and that Bear was no such thing to me.
His actual response surprised me.
“Can we talk about your new speech impediment? Or is the man’s name Bryan all of a sudden?”
I paused, unable to admit the truth even though we both knew it.
“Babe,” Landry said gently. “You already have feelings for your bear. You have for a long time.”
I sighed. “I do,” I groaned. “It’s so ridiculous, but I like him so much.”
“Then why don’t you tell him?”
“Because! If he knew I had real feelings for him, he’d stop our deal. Things would get awkward because he’d know that I wanted more. We’d never be able to go back to bodyguard and principal. And then he’d leave. He’d ask to get put on someone else’s detail, and I’d never see him again. I can’t… I won’t risk that.”
“What makes you think he wouldn’t want more, too? He cares about you.”
I let out a frustrated sound. “He cares about keeping me safe. It’s his job, Landry.”
Landry’s laugh startled me. “You’re not wrong. He does care about keeping you safe, and it is technically his job. But, Zane… when that man looks at you, he’s not seeing a job. You’re more than a job to him. You have to know that.”
Yes, I did know he cared about me as more than his principal. We’d become friends, at the very least. But was it possible he could think of me as more than friends? If not now, then maybe someday?
“Talk to him. Tell him how you feel. But use small words and a sharp tone. According to that silly podcast of yours, bears respond well to commanding tones. If he rubs his scent on you, you’ll know he’s agreed to keep you—”
I shook my head. “Goodbye, Landry.”
He grinned. “Good night, Zane. And genuinely, baby… good luck.”
I made a sound of agreement before ending the call… but the truth was, there was no way I’d be brave enough to talk to Bear about real feelings.
The very idea stressed me out so much that I hid in my room to avoid being weird and awkward around him.
But while I was lying in bed, staring at the ceiling, I started thinking about what Bear had said earlier. About how I was living a fairy tale not because it had just happened but because I’d worked for it. Everyone’s fairy tale looked different, he’d said. But I knew exactly what my own fairy tale might look like, if I were brave enough to reach for it.
I reached for the pad of paper in my nightstand and scribbled some notes about the bridge of “Broken Fairytale”—the section of the song that provided the emotional shift from the beginning of the song. I was pretty sure I’d gotten that part down, but even after my eyelids began drooping, I wasn’t entirely sure how the song should end.
I fell asleep worried about being the exact thing I feared: being someone weak and anxious who preferred to hide rather than stand up for himself and what he wanted. Who lived in a broken fairy tale because he wasn’t brave enough to mend it.
And maybe that’s why I ended up having nightmares again.
EIGHTEEN
RYAN
In many Native American cultures, bears are celebrated as spiritual guides that walk with you in your dreams. For tribes like the Lakota Sioux and Ojibwe, bears symbolize strength, wisdom, and healing. Dreaming of a bear? It might mean you’re being offered a bit of bear-level protection or a little nudge to connect with your grizzly inner strength. In short, if a bear strolls through your dreams, embrace him!
—Bear Facts for Insomniacs, Episode 42
Zane never came back out of his room, so I took it as a signal that he wasn’t up for more “practice” that night.