Total pages in book: 80
Estimated words: 75916 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 380(@200wpm)___ 304(@250wpm)___ 253(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 75916 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 380(@200wpm)___ 304(@250wpm)___ 253(@300wpm)
“Can we not talk about that? I’m not sure what got into me.”
“The fact that you really want to get into me?” I teased.
He barked out that deep, throaty laugh. “You’re ridiculous.”
“I know.” I didn’t know why that made me think of my mom and our conversation. I leaned my head against the cool window as he drove.
“Hey…I was kidding. What’s wrong? You’ve seemed off all night.”
Oh, wow. He’d noticed that? How did he know me well enough to decipher that I was off my game? “Nothing. Or everything. I talked to my mom yesterday, and that always stresses me out.”
“You guys aren’t close?”
I had no idea why I was talking to him, why I was letting Dane into this side of me. Part of me figured I’d just get it out there and pretend it wasn’t a big deal, and the other part thought maybe he was a good person to talk to. Dane would never betray someone’s confidence or make them feel stupid. “That’s not it. I just… I grew up in this tiny town. My parents own a dairy farm and go to church every Sunday, and catching their son dressing up in his mom’s clothes wasn’t what they dreamed of. They certainly didn’t expect their son to announce he’s queer at his high school graduation before taking off.” That had been five years ago, but sometimes it still felt like I was that eighteen-year-old, like I’d just left, while other times it was such a distant memory, I couldn’t believe we were the same people.
“Shit…I’m so sorry. I don’t… I don’t know what to say.”
I shrugged. “There’s nothing to say. Nothing will change it. Anyway, she called, and every time she does, she cries and tells me how much she loves me and how worried she is for my eternal soul…that she doesn’t want me to go to hell, and if I could just change my ways, I could go home and run the farm the way I was supposed to do.”
Dane hissed out something, but I couldn’t tell what it was. I was surprised to realize we were already at my apartment. He’d pulled off into a parking spot. “That’s not who you’re supposed to be,” he said, and damned if those words didn’t work their way inside me, filling places I didn’t know needed to be filled. “I can’t imagine you on a farm in a small town. You’re too damn…I don’t know, big for that. Fuck, I can’t believe I just said that.”
“No, no. Don’t take it back.”
Dane looked at me, the streetlight shining down on him. “I’m not taking it back. Not at all.”
We sat there staring at each other for what felt like an eternity. I didn’t know what was passing between us or what it meant. Hell, I didn’t even know what I wanted it to mean or if it meant nothing at all.
We simply…stared.
“I should go,” he finally said.
“Come up with me.”
“Jesse…”
“We don’t have to do anything. We can watch Netflix and do facials—not the come kind, but the other.”
He laughed again. I didn’t know why I wanted him to go up with me so badly. I just…liked having his grumpy ass around.
Dane sighed, then reached over and turned off the engine.
20
Dane
What was I doing following Jesse upstairs to his apartment? Had I gone mad?
But something had changed, shifted, between us tonight, or possibly this week, and I realized I wanted to get to know him better. So I’d just leaned into Jesse and the dance at the club tonight. Just leaned right on in and let the feeling take hold. And it felt…good. Even if I did surprise the hell out of Jesse. In fact, I liked that I threw him off when he wasn’t expecting it. It made me want to surprise him again, which was probably why I was now in the elevator with him as he pushed the button to his floor.
The stuff he told me about his family, Christ. Sure, my father was never in my life and my mother had passed away, but to have your parents crying over your soul all the goddamn time was fucking shitty and depressing. It made me marvel at how Jesse was able to keep his spirits up. Maybe he had to move away in order to become his true self. No fucking way could I picture him on a farm in a small town.
When he opened the door to his apartment, I tried not to stiffen upon seeing how nice his place was, but I reminded myself that Jesse was not Steve. Totally and completely different.
Jesse seemed to note the stiffness in my shoulders as he blabbered on in a quiet voice. “This is really Seth’s apartment, remember? I’m just lucky he lets me share the place.”