Total pages in book: 148
Estimated words: 135517 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 678(@200wpm)___ 542(@250wpm)___ 452(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 135517 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 678(@200wpm)___ 542(@250wpm)___ 452(@300wpm)
“You were all I needed, but I wasn’t in the right place even then because I still found myself trapped in a marriage that I didn’t want and never wanted. I know as long as I live, I will never be able to make it up to you for the pain that I caused, but please give me a chance to at least try. I have to try; I think I’d die if I don’t make this right. I can’t not have you, Elena, not and stay sane.”
“Why? Why would I do that? So that you could hurt me again? So that you could destroy me? What is it? You didn’t finish the job the last time, so you’re back to finish me off this time around? You must think I’m as stupid as you are or a glutton for punishment.”
“I don’t think anything other than that I owe you a lifetime of happiness. I’m not asking you to forget anything that I did; I’m not even asking you to forgive me, not unless or until you feel it. I just want to be with you. It’s selfish, I know, but I don’t know how to be anything else when it comes to you.”
“You’ve lived five years without me, without us, and though you won’t believe it, so did I. I made my life a living hell; I punished myself every day because I knew what I had put you through. I knew you weren’t happy, so I made sure I never had a day of peace, not once I realized the truth and how badly I screwed up.”
“I was racked with guilt and self-hate because I couldn’t even bring myself to even like the person I destroyed our love for. In the end, even when I remembered why I did it, my hands were still tied. You were still in danger, and so was Missy. I had to protect you both the best way I knew how.”
“There were many times when I wanted to get clean, but I always slid right back into darkness because I knew I’d screwed up too much to win you back. If I were any kind of man, I’d let you go to find someone else, but I can’t. Call me weak, call me selfish, call me anything you’d like, as long as you call me yours again.”
“What makes you think I want that skank’s leftovers? What are you on to think that I wanna accept you now after she’s had you? After they’ve all had you.”
“I see that mouth of yours is still as sharp as a two-edged sword.”
“I never expected it to be easy, winning your heart again; I don’t deserve easy. But I’ll tell you now that I’m not letting you go again. What happened to me was as much my fault as it was the people who used and abused me. I accept that; I willingly admit it. But dammit, don’t I deserve to be happy too. You look me in the eye right now and tell me that you’re in love with one of those fools who’ve been hanging around you.” I dare you.
“I think you’re forgetting a few things, one of which is that I got the worst of you. You’ve told me everything that everyone else has done, but none of them has done me more harm than you, Ryder. Of all those people you mentioned, you were the one I trusted. Why didn’t you love me enough? And why would I take that chance again?”
“But I did. I was just too fucked up to know it. I was a victim of this as well, you know.”
“Yeah, well, you treated me like shit before this happened, you monster.”
“Come on, Elena. We were both young and stupid.”
“Yes, but I never mistreated you. I gave you everything, and what did I get in return?”
“I know, believe me, I’ve thought of nothing else in the last few months. Even when I was drugged out of my mind, I never forgot what you meant to me, what we once shared. Sometimes I think you’re the only reason I’m still here. I thought of ending it more than once when missing you became too much, and I thought I would die from the pain.”
“Yeah, right, whatever. It didn’t look like you were dying for want of me when you got married to someone else. If I remember correctly, you and your wife were the toast of the town. You did all the things we used to do together and even some that you refused to do with me. From where I’m standing, it looks like she got the best part of you while all I got was your worst.”
“In that memory bank of yours, do you recall me having to clean you up after one of your binges, or me having to get out of bed in the middle of the night to come get you out of some hellhole and then having to hide from the paparazzi so no one would know you were strung out all the time?”