Total pages in book: 148
Estimated words: 135517 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 678(@200wpm)___ 542(@250wpm)___ 452(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 135517 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 678(@200wpm)___ 542(@250wpm)___ 452(@300wpm)
All the guys I’d been out with knew that we weren’t going anywhere, not even a one-night stand, so though some were still hanging around after accepting being friend-zoned, most were in the wind, which was fine by me. I prefer letting people know upfront that my heart would never be in the game again, and if that sent them running in the opposite direction, then so be it.
I wish more than anyone that I was able to love again, but as much as I wish for it, the mere thought makes me out of breath, and I feel like I’m dying just imagining going through this again. If only there was some kind of serum I could take to make me forget the past, but alas, no such thing exists, so for the rest of my life, I’m going to be lugging around this tattered heart of mine.
“So, has he tried contacting you?”
“Who? Ryder? Of course not; why would you think he would?”
“I don’t know. Since everyone thinks that you two have been sending messages to each other through your music….”
“What? Since when did anyone say that I was sending him messages? I thought it was only him who was being accused of that?”
“Nope, now they’re saying that both of you are doing it. I can’t imagine how his wife feels having to hear that every day; it must be hell.” She snickered, but that didn’t sit right with me.
“It’s not funny. No matter what we think of her, she did not do this alone. Ryder had a choice, and he made it. We’re not going to tear her down because she fell in love with someone who was already taken.”
“Why are you like this? Why can’t you just get upset like everyone else and call her out for her bullshit?”
“Because it’s pointless.” And because I’ve come to understand how my silence makes my enemies feel. I won’t ever call her out of her name, but that doesn’t mean I’m not angry at her for what she played a part in.
So, if my silence gets under her skin, then so be it. Count it as just me getting some of my own back. Besides, me keeping my silence has benefited me as well. I’ve been able to move on with my life by pretending she doesn’t exist. She was never a part of my life, and I won’t let her become a part of it now.
“I just think it’s crap letting her get away with all that she’s done, and I’m not just talking about stealing your boyfriend. What about all that stuff she did when they first got married? All those times, she took shots at you. You can’t tell me you don’t want to get some of your own back. What better time than now, when everyone is saying that you two are….”
“We aren’t anything, okay? That part of my life has been long over, and I don’t want to talk about it anymore. You should go; I’ve got some stuff to do.” She didn’t seem offended as she left, but she did leave me feeling antsy. Is that what everyone thinks? That I should get some of my own back by going to war with that woman?
I’ll never give anyone the satisfaction. She’d tried to make the world think I was crazy. She shamed me for the shape of my body when I was too sick to care about anything but surviving, and she’s gone out of her way to make me suffer. Sure, I’d love to hit back at her. But when you’ve faced death the way I had, you learn to choose your battles.
I know I bear no ill will towards her, something it had taken me a lot of time and hard work to achieve, and I don’t want to go back. I don’t want to get dragged back into anything having to do with her, him, or any of the people they surround themselves with.
When is this going to end? When will it go away? I think I know the answer, and it scares me. As long as I still harbor feelings for him in my heart, the rollercoaster ride will never end. My phone alerted me, taking my mind off of it, and I rushed to see what new thing had been posted from MengeLiNi.
I’d gotten into the habit of following their threads just to see what they were up to. The fact that they were going after my enemies didn’t hurt either though I won’t be admitting that to anyone ever. I opened the latest post and had to sit down before I fell. “Oh, dear! Oh, dear.”
***
*Janie*
“How dare she? How dare this little bitch?” She’d gone too far this time. “Why haven’t you found this person yet?” I turned to my assistant in a fury. I thought after Ryder and I had had that talk a week or so ago that things would start to look up, but so far, nothing had changed.