Total pages in book: 148
Estimated words: 135517 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 678(@200wpm)___ 542(@250wpm)___ 452(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 135517 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 678(@200wpm)___ 542(@250wpm)___ 452(@300wpm)
“And now you’re here asking me to go against their wishes for you one more time. Why? Are you going to finish me off this time, Ryder? Is that it? Is that what your narcissistic ego needs? Is it because you didn’t get what you wanted from me? I didn’t show myself to you the way you wanted me to. I didn’t react to your barbs when you were tearing me down in the press?”
“I never….”
“Shut up. Do you have a point to prove now? Is that why you’re here? You got clean, so you came to see if your little puppy was still on the leash? Ok, here it is, Ryder; I love you, I love you with all my heart, and I know that I will always love you because, unlike you, my love is not something that can just be turned off and thrown away in the trash.”
“But you know what? I’m going to find somebody who is going to love me and who’s going to accept that I have a love for you, but that love has been broken beyond repair. And that person is going to love me enough to want to heal your mistake, but that person will not be you.”
“I don’t accept that. I’m sorry, but there’s no fucking way.” He advanced, and I retreated.
“What are you gonna do about it, Ryder?” He kept coming until I was almost backed up against the kitchen island.
“What am I gonna do about it? You really want me to show you?”
“What are you talking about? Sex? Is that what you plan to do? Same old same old. Sex is nothing. I’m not the same little virgin you once had. I had plenty of sex when you weren’t around.”
“Say that shit again.”
“You wanna step out of my face?”
“No, I’m not gonna step out of your face, and I’m not going to leave. You wanna hurt me, go ahead, hurt me, hurt me all you want to hurt me. I deserve it. But I’m not leaving. And don’t you ever throw sex with someone else in my face again? Do you understand?”
“I understand that you lost your little toy, and you’re sulking. You have pets, Ryder. When your dog has chewed his little plushy toy to bits, and it’s no longer any good, and you’re afraid that pieces of it will probably choke him or something, don’t you go and get them a new one? You already got your new toy. I’m sorry if she’s broken, but I am nobody’s replacement.”
“I will never ask you to be that. No one can replace you; it’s impossible. I learned enough to know that without you, I’m only half a person, that the best part of me is missing. I couldn’t breathe, Elena, don’t you understand? I was only half alive without you there beside me.”
“I know that I will never, for as long as I live, be able to repay the debt that I owe you. I know that I am absolutely lost without you, and I can never make up for what I have done. Nobody knows that better than me, but I want to spend the rest of my life trying to make it up to you.” He had tears in his eyes, and I was not prepared for that.
“Don’t you dare, Ryder. Don’t you dare cry in front of me; don’t you do it. Don’t use your tears against me, don’t, just don’t.” My voice broke on the last word because I couldn’t bear it. I’ve never seen him cry, never seen him in so much pain.
“You’re telling me not to cry, and you’re crying. Why are my tears more precious than yours? Why are you crying? Do you know what your tears do to me? I can’t bear to see you cry; you know that it tears me up inside. Don’t weaponize your tears against me.”
“Fuck off, Ryder, just fuck all the way off. Go home; I’ve had enough.”
“I can’t, don’t you understand? I will die without you. Don’t turn me away. Your memories are not enough anymore; I can’t breathe, don’t you understand? I need you to survive. As selfish as it sounds, I can’t live another day without you. I won’t.”
Why are you my burden to bear, Ryder Sumner?
Chapter 44
*Ryder*
“No one has ever really loved me except for you. I know that now; I think I’ve always known it, but I wasn’t in the right head space back then to understand it fully or to appreciate you and all that you’ve done. You and I both know that I was a major screwup in more ways than one. I know you tried to help me. I know you did your best, and that’s why I know that I need to be here with you because when I looked back on my life once things started to become clear again, whenever I thought of the past, you were all I saw.”