Total pages in book: 70
Estimated words: 66863 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 334(@200wpm)___ 267(@250wpm)___ 223(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 66863 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 334(@200wpm)___ 267(@250wpm)___ 223(@300wpm)
“What?” I asked.
“Nothing. You’re very hopeful. I don’t know why I didn’t see it before.”
That made me chuckle. “You just thought I was what? Bitter and pessimistic?” The thing was, I wasn’t so sure I blamed him. It wouldn’t surprise me if I gave off that vibe.
“Exactly.” He grinned.
“What can I get you boys to drink?” the waitress asked as she approached our table.
I opened my mouth to reply, but Kieran beat me to it. “We’ll each have an orange juice and water, please.”
“Absolutely,” she said with a smile.
I frowned.
“Do you need another moment to look at the menu?” she asked him as if I wasn’t sitting here too.
“Yes, please. Thank you.” The second she walked away, Kieran said, “Out with it.”
It was incredibly unnerving how he could practically read my mind. “What if I didn’t want orange juice?” I asked.
“Too bad.”
That wasn’t the answer I was expecting, though it should have been. “What if I don’t like orange juice?”
“Everyone likes orange juice,” he replied.
“No, they don’t.”
“Do you?” he asked.
“Yes, Sir.”
“Then why are you arguing with me?”
I shifted in my seat again, the burn making me groan. “God, that hurts.” But I liked it. The pain reminded me of Kieran’s control. That was likely something I should put more thought into but I didn’t want to go there.
“So I get no answer to my question?”
I sighed. “I don’t know why I was arguing. You’re right, Da—Sir. Sometimes…sometimes I feel like I’m weak if I don’t stand up for myself. If I don’t make my own decisions…or I feel like I’m wrong for liking something,” I said softly. On the flipside, I yearned to let go of control too.
“I’ve said this before, but I’ll say it as many times as I have to, as many times as you need to hear it—there is nothing weak about you. There is nothing wrong in this. If you learn anything from me, let it be that. You must always talk to me about it, okay? You’ll see. It’s all part of the process. And the more you open yourself up to it, the freer you’ll become.”
I nodded, absolutely believing every word Kieran said to me. It was as though his word was my law. “Thank you,” I replied.
“You boys ready to order?” The waitress approached the table again. I didn’t even bother to look at the menu because I knew Kieran would make the right choice. The old me would have told myself I should be bothered by it, but the new me wasn’t. Somehow, I knew that if this was a hard limit for me, if I made a big deal about it, Kieran would bend. The thing was, it didn’t really matter to me. I didn’t mind him choosing for us. So many of my thoughts were about how I felt compared to how I thought I was supposed to feel.
He ordered ham and cheese omelets, with wheat toast and hash browns.
We chatted about random things as we waited for our food. I couldn’t stop looking around as we did so. People came and went. They said hi and goodbye to each other. Some even said hi to us as they made their way through the restaurant.
It felt so…homey. Relaxing. Like these people took care of each other. They watched each other’s backs. They would pay attention if a child’s parents were addicts and would be there for them.
We ate, and Kieran asked me about my job and college. I found myself telling him how I wished I could go back, and have more fun, yet I likely wouldn’t do much more partying than I had. “I’m very careful…with alcohol or, well, much of anything that alters the mind. A glass or two of wine is one thing, but I don’t do much more than that.”
“It makes sense. Substance abuse robbed you of your childhood. You won’t risk it robbing your adult life as well.”
“Yes,” I replied. Kieran understood me so well. Sometimes, better than I understood myself. It was just…automatic, to feel connected to him. I’d spent most of my life not really feeling connected to anyone, not being understood. It was like I was floating but Kieran tethered me to something for the first time. Made me feel as though I wasn’t alone.
“You’re thinking too hard over there, boy,” he said.
“I’m sorry.”
“Don’t be. Are you done eating?”
“Yes, Sir.”
Kieran paid and I didn’t argue with him. It made him happy to pay and, today, all I wanted to do was make Kieran happy, because he did that for me.
We left. I headed toward the car but Kieran nodded his head toward the main street. I smiled and slipped into step beside him. It looked like a postcard with all the homey storefronts. I felt silly being so excited about it. I was a grown man. This shouldn’t feel as thrilling as it did.