Total pages in book: 87
Estimated words: 83085 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 415(@200wpm)___ 332(@250wpm)___ 277(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 83085 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 415(@200wpm)___ 332(@250wpm)___ 277(@300wpm)
“No. I’m fine. You can go. I’m going to call Miguel to ask if he can open the bar for me today, and then I’m going to hit the sack.”
Kellan nodded. “Thank you for calling me. For trusting me.”
“Always. And…go easy on Josh. Things aren’t as cut and dried as you think.”
He didn’t look happy about it but agreed. We said our goodbyes. I called Miguel, then went upstairs and stripped before climbing into bed with my phone. My skin smelled like sex and Josh, and damned if I didn’t want to drown in the scent.
I called him.
“Hey,” he answered, and there was noise in the background that I couldn’t place.
“Hey.”
“Griff, I—”
“Wait. Let me get this out, please. I need to get something out.”
“Okay.”
My pulse thudded, dread growing in my gut, but I needed to do this for me. “I know your past, Josh, and I can’t imagine how hard that is for you. Christ, my heart breaks for your loss, but I can’t… I know I wasn’t supposed to fall for you, but I did. There’s no changing that, and the truth is, I don’t want to. I love you, and I want you to love me. I deserve for you to love me. You told me if I wasn’t getting what I needed, even if it’s from you, not to settle. I don’t want to lose you, but I…I need more. Eventually I’m gonna need more. I deserve more.”
“You deserve everything,” Josh replied softly.
When he didn’t continue, I said, “Okay.” I guess that was my answer. I wasn’t going to say it didn’t hurt. “Okay,” I said again. “I should go. But I… You deserve to be happy too, yeah? I made you happy. I know I did. You can’t live in the past forever. I love you.”
Then I ended the call.
CHAPTER TWENTY-NINE
Josh
I’d had to pull over when Griffin called.
After he hung up, I got myself under control and hit the road again. My hands were shaking, and I figured that was part coffee and part Griffin Caine. Christ, what he did to me. He got me all tangled up, and yet not a part of me wanted to be free.
“I don’t want to lose you, but I…I need more. Eventually I’m gonna need more. I deserve more.”
He really did deserve everything, and I wanted to be the man who could give it to him. I had to find a way to be that man. It was more than just Griff deserving it. I did too.
I didn’t stop again until I was parking in the lot at the facility where Doug lived. Elbows on the steering wheel, I rubbed my face, trying to wake myself up a bit. Or hell, maybe I was just trying to get myself ready for what I was about to do.
What I had to do. What I should have done a long time ago.
Say goodbye.
I got out of the car, pulled Griff’s turtle out of my pocket, and held it tight as I went into the building. It was a long-term care facility. I was on the list of approved visitors, so I gave my ID to the older woman sitting at the desk and told her who I was there to see.
She smiled and gave me a name tag. “Have a good day.”
“I’m trying,” I replied.
I knew the way to Doug’s room by heart. I walked in, and there he was, as he’d been for twelve years.
Twelve. Fucking. Years.
He was hooked up to the machines keeping him alive, and had a light-blue blanket over him. He was skinny, so damn gaunt, and seeing him this way made pain lash through my chest. He looked older but the same too, and I wondered what he would think if he saw me.
There were photos all over the room—of Doug, of his family, of him and me together. Smiling and laughing and secretly in love.
I closed the door.
My legs were weak, like they weren’t strong enough to hold me up as I walked over and sat in the chair beside his bed. I took his hand, Griff’s turtle in the other, and it was warm, so warm, so alive, even though his brain and parts of his body weren’t.
“Hey, you. Sorry it’s been so long since I came to visit.” There was no reply, of course there wasn’t. There was no movement, nothing that told me he could hear me or knew I was there, but I believed he could and that he did.
“Things have…they’ve been going well. The gym is great. My friend Kellan, remember I told you about him? He proposed to his boyfriend. They’re getting married, and our friend Natalie is going to be a surrogate for them. I’m still not sure if I ever want kids. I know you always did.” My hold on his hand tightened. “You would have been a great dad.”