Total pages in book: 87
Estimated words: 83085 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 415(@200wpm)___ 332(@250wpm)___ 277(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 83085 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 415(@200wpm)___ 332(@250wpm)___ 277(@300wpm)
I didn’t have a homophobic bone in my body, but when the slow heat of want curled deep in my gut, I couldn’t help shooting to my feet, both because I wanted and because it was with Josh. It hit me like a Mack truck, out of the blue, a riot of force behind it. Want. “Yeah, I’m fine. Just not feeling it this morning. It’s my turn to make breakfast. I’ll head in and get it going. You can finish up out here if you want.”
“Nah, I’m good. There’s not a chance in hell I’m not watching you cook for me.”
“Fucker.” I shook my head, but I was smiling too. It was such a Josh thing to say. Still, I found myself holding out my hand for him. Josh looked at it for a moment as if confused, before grabbing on so I could help tug him to his feet. We picked up the stuff and went inside.
I made pancakes and eggs. We ate out on the deck together, then got dressed. We both wore jeans and T-shirts.
We were starting off our day with a hike. It wasn’t like at the park the day before, but instead, on a quieter trail Josh had read about. It weaved through miles and miles of forest, with nothing but the sounds of our breathing, footsteps, and nature.
“Can I ask you something?” Josh said as we began our journey.
“Feels like déjà vu from last night.” Shit. I didn’t know why I’d brought that up. The last thing I wanted to discuss was how I’d asked him if he’d ever been in a serious relationship.
“That a yes?”
I shrugged. “Sure.”
“Why?”
“Why, what?” Though really, I knew. Somehow, I knew.
“Why haven’t you been serious about anyone? You’re not the kind of guy who likes random hookups, but you never date. It’s just… I don’t know, really. I can see you with someone. A wife or whatever. You’re a family guy, Griff. Maybe not kids, but you like to take care of people. Why don’t you have someone you can take care of and who you let take care of you too?”
Fuck. Because of course he had to go there. I didn’t even know how to reply because I was still confused on the answer myself. It felt like something was wrong with me. Telling him I’d never fallen in love was one thing, but saying I didn’t feel the sexual desire others did, that I didn’t know if I ever would, weren’t words I could say out loud. It felt like something I should know. By the time a person was in their mid-thirties, shouldn’t they know this kind of thing?
But then I thought of Knox. He hadn’t known he was bisexual until Callum, and I didn’t bat an eye at that. It was always different when you were discussing yourself, though.
I settled on, “Guess I haven’t found the right person.”
“But you don’t date either.”
No, no I didn’t. Dating typically led to sex and me feeling even more fucked up than I already did. “Leave it alone, Joshy.” The name had just come out. Again. Usually I only used it when I was teasing him.
“Sorry. I didn’t mean to overstep.”
“It’s fine.”
“I just… I’ll say one more thing, and then I’ll let it go. You deserve someone. What Kell and Chase have? Hell, Remy and Law, Knox and Callum. That fits you. Settling down. Loving someone. Spoiling the fuck out of them and driving them crazy, only, like I said, it needs to be someone who does the same for you. You need to let someone take care of you, Griff. You can’t be the lighthouse for everyone else to find their way home in the storm.”
My heart was thudding, and it felt like a river was racing in my ears. I stopped, and he did too. We looked at each other, and damned if my pulse didn’t begin sprinting even more.
“You’re not gonna get all mushy on me, are you?”
He was trying to play it off, trying to change the subject, but I wasn’t going to let him. “And you don’t? Deserve that? Want that?”
He rolled his eyes. “Not everyone is cut out for the same thing, and that’s okay.”
“Yeah, but I see it in you,” I admitted. “You like to take care of people too. You’re a protector.” He was more than that. Even this trip proved it. The fact that he’d asked me to go away because he knew I needed it, and he wanted to cook breakfast for me and make the time here special. Goddamn it. I rubbed a hand over my chest.
“Yeah, but if I don’t settle down, I can take care of many, many people. As many and as often as I like.” He winked.
“Don’t do that.” Holy fuck. It was a cover for something. What in the hell had Josh been through, and why hadn’t I seen it before?