Total pages in book: 87
Estimated words: 83085 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 415(@200wpm)___ 332(@250wpm)___ 277(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 83085 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 415(@200wpm)___ 332(@250wpm)___ 277(@300wpm)
He cupped me through my boxer briefs, and while I could appreciate the compliment—I knew I wasn’t lacking in the size department—I still wasn’t feeling anything moving around down there. There was no true lust, no true desire, but if he played with me, I knew I’d get hard simply because of biology.
“Never had any complaints,” I finally managed to say, and the guy laughed at me again.
He got my pants off and then went for my underwear, but my hand shot out and grabbed his wrist. “Wait. Can we kiss first?”
Christ, as soon as I’d said the words, I wanted them back. Can we kiss first? I sounded like a scared virgin and, well, I was a little nervous and I’d never been with a guy, so I guessed that was exactly what I was.
I helped him to his feet. When he told me to take off my shirt, I did. We went over to the bed and sat down. He held the back of my head and leaned in, pressed his lips to mine, and it felt…okay. Like a kiss. Like kisses always felt—lips and tongues and spit.
When he rubbed my cock and kissed me, I started to ache and my dick went hard because, again, biology. But something didn’t feel right. This was off. My body could react, but my insides weren’t getting into it—my thoughts and my brain and my need. Why should I have sex with a random guy to prove I could? Was it really going to change anything? It might make me realize I want men and not women.
My brain kept going, repeating that thought over and over. That I could be gay and this would tell me, but I wasn’t sitting here craving his ass. My dick was interested, but mentally, I didn’t want to have sex with a random stranger at all. That just wasn’t me.
I wanted to have sex with someone I liked. Someone I cared about. Someone who meant something to me.
He pulled away, sighing. “You’re definitely not into this, gorgeous.” He was right. I’d even lost my erection because my head had been such a mess. “As hot as you are, I don’t want to have sex with someone who doesn’t want to have sex with me.”
“Shit.” I rubbed a hand over my face. “I’m sorry. This wasn’t very fair to you.”
He shrugged. “Eh, it is what it is.” Then he gave me a grin that again seemed familiar. “It’s still an early night, and there’s an app full of horny men out there.”
He said his goodbyes, but I couldn’t really find it in myself to reply. I just sat there staring until the door closed behind him.
It finally struck me why he looked familiar, who he looked like. Apparently, I’d spent hours browsing a hookup app and chosen a man who looked a whole hell of a lot like Josh Westbrook.
Fall
The music was thumping so loud, my heart shook. The bar was packed, men dancing everywhere I looked. I still couldn’t believe I was there. Fucking Josh. I didn’t know why he was able to talk me into things I wouldn’t usually do. Ever since that first hiking trip, it had been this way, and I wasn’t even going to let myself think about that incident this summer, when I’d met up with a guy at a hotel only to realize he was a Josh Westbrook lookalike. Sometimes I couldn’t work out why Josh seemed to want me around either. Why had he cared if I’d come to Richmond with them? But we were good friends, better than we’d ever been, so I guessed it made sense.
“Excuse me,” I said as someone bumped into me. Chase and I were carrying beers back to our friends.
We got back to the group and handed them the drinks.
“What were you guys talking about?” Chase asked.
“How my brother is going to steal my best friend,” Kellan replied.
“Hello pot, meet kettle,” I teased. Josh and I were just friends. Kellan had fallen in love with Chase.
“He didn’t steal me,” Chase replied. “You’ll always be my brother, Griff. You know that.”
I nodded. “Yeah, but I like to give him shit.”
“Aw, does that mean you really do think of me as your bestie?” Josh rested his arm over my shoulders. “I’m touched. And don’t worry, boys, there’s enough of me to go around. I’ve always wanted to know what it was like to have a pair of brothers, only it wasn’t friendship in my fantasies.”
Kellan and Chase laughed, but the back of my neck prickled with awareness, like somehow, Josh touching me had made something weird start firing off inside me.
“You’re gross.” I tried to pretend I wasn’t standing there analyzing imaginary signals in my body. It happened fairly often after the hotel incident, which made sense once I realized what I’d done.