Total pages in book: 120
Estimated words: 109976 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 550(@200wpm)___ 440(@250wpm)___ 367(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 109976 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 550(@200wpm)___ 440(@250wpm)___ 367(@300wpm)
She didn’t answer but looked away and it hurt me to my soul that she wasn’t there yet, that she still didn’t know she could trust me completely. “Leave it, you’ll tell me when you’re ready.”
She seemed surprised by my easy capitulation but I was a little pissed at her. I’d rather cut off my right arm than hurt her though so I just walked away. “I’m in the shower; order something for dinner if you’re hungry.” I called the words back to her as I headed into the shower.
Giselle
He’s mad, I can tell, but there’s no way I can share that part of me with him. Not now, and maybe not ever. I looked towards the closed bathroom door feeling my heart break. It was the first time we’d had any kind of rift between us and I didn’t like the feeling.
I suddenly felt cold and alone and stared with longing and regret at the closed door. A part of me knew that my fear was unfounded, and more that I could trust him. He’d more than proven himself time and again in the last few days. But after living with fear for so long it isn’t that easy to just let it go.
If I were brave I’d get up and walk into the shower to join him. But I’m not that brave. Funny, for two years I’ve imagined having a real relationship with him, had daydreamed time and again of sharing all those things that couples do, but now that it has become a reality I find it hard to follow through. Because of my fear that it would end.
I stared blindly at the phone in my hand my mind gone blank and my heart in turmoil. If only I could let go, but would he understand, or will he look at me with a different light in his eyes? A look of distrust and maybe even distaste? I started shaking with the thought.
I heard him moving around in the bathroom after his shower and held my breath waiting for his return but he took his time. Is he avoiding me? The day had started out so well, why does it have to end like this? Would he change his mind about getting married now?
When he’d first popped the question I didn’t dare answer because although it’s what I want more than anything, I was afraid. Not of him but of my past catching up with me, and what that might do to him, to us and the ease we now share.
I fell asleep waiting to the sound of his electric razor, too tired to stay awake any longer. I felt him some time later as he got into bed, and my chest grew tight when instead of pulling me into his arms as he was accustomed to, he just laid on his back, looking up at the ceiling.
With my back turned I could only guess at this, too much of a coward to turn around and face him. I counted down the seconds, waiting for him to turn to me, but he never did. My lids drooped over the well of tears in my eyes as I forced myself back to sleep.
My cowardice followed me into my dreams where I called myself all kinds of fool for acting this way. In my dreams I relived every moment since he rescued me from the precinct. Every word he’d said to me and all that he’d done. Dream me was way more sensible than I and held nothing back, trusting in his love.
I opened my eyes in the early morning hours to find myself held close in his arms with my head on his chest. It appears he’d turned to me in the night after all. It warmed my heart. Lifting my head, I found him looking down at me like he’d been awake all night just watching over me.
“I’ve been thinking.” Uh-oh, my gut twisted at those words and the serious look on his face when he said them.
“My plan was to correct his mistakes, but if I do that, then I’d have to put my own agenda aside for the time being and cleaning up behind that ass lint would take a while. So how about this, how about I just love you the way I want to and we forget he ever existed.”
I opened my mouth to speak but he squeezed my shoulder. “I can’t undo what he did, I can only promise you that you’d never suffer under my hand. And Giselle, this is the last time I’m going to tell you this because I shouldn’t have to keep reminding you. I’m not him.”
His words might be scolding but his tone held nothing but love. My heart raced so hard I was sure he could hear it. “What are you afraid of?” My hand rested on the large firm muscles of his chest, so strong, in body and mind. I wanted so much to tell him…