Series: Fever Falls Series by Riley Hart
Total pages in book: 85
Estimated words: 81426 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 407(@200wpm)___ 326(@250wpm)___ 271(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 81426 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 407(@200wpm)___ 326(@250wpm)___ 271(@300wpm)
“I’m glad.”
But then…then we were just quiet. “My brother is yelling at me. We have some Burke family tradition things to do. You should see Carter. I’ve never seen him so happy. I think he likes this, the family thing.”
Cam’s words were sharp against my skin. I knew he hadn’t meant them to hurt me. He was just making conversation, but they hurt all the same. I wanted to be there with them. I wanted to know Cam’s family. What in the hell was I doing here?
“I need to run. I’ll talk to you soon, okay?” Cam said, and I wanted to ask him to wait, wanted to know what Burke family traditions I was missing.
“Okay,” was all I said. Cam sighed into the phone for a moment, then hung up.
My breathing sped up, and my chest felt too tight. Anger bubbled over inside me, lighting a fire in my veins. I was so pissed—at myself, at my father, at the whole goddamned world.
My brain turned off. All my worries and the years of holding back just…gone. I shoved to my feet, pushed into the condo…to see my dad at the table, working on my puzzle in silence. It struck me for a moment because I’d forgotten he liked puzzles too. That I’d gotten my love of them from him. He didn’t even look up when I came inside.
“Why wasn’t I enough?” rushed out of my mouth before I could stop myself.
“Huh?” He looked up at me, his brows pinched together. “What do you mean?”
“After Mom died. It wasn’t like that before she passed away. I remember, and it’s like, when she died, you did too. Why wasn’t I enough to make you happy?” I shook my head. “That’s not fair. I know it’s not. That’s not how depression works, but don’t you want to feel better? Don’t you want a relationship with me? I know you love me, I do, but it’s like you…let go. Gave me to Rush and his family because it was easier, but you’re my dad, and I needed you. I still do.”
“I…” He hesitated. “I guess I didn’t know what I had to offer you. I was so lost.”
“You’re my dad. That’s all you needed—to be present. That’s all. It hurt me too, losing her, and then I felt like I lost you at the same time. You checked out. You only cared about work. I spent holidays without you and went on vacations with the Alexanders. Sometimes it felt like you didn’t want me around at all.” It was as if now that the words were coming out, I couldn’t stop them. Years of hurt bled from me as I stood in front of him.
Dad’s eyes pooled with tears. “Your mother…she loved you so much. Christ, you look so much like her. You remind me of her—humble but proud. People used to compliment her all the time, whether it was her looks or her humor or how she would do anything for those she cared about. But she never saw it. She never saw it herself. I used to try and remind her of it every day so she would know, and…I should have done that with you too. I love you, son. There is nothing in this world I love more than you, and I just…I don’t know how to let myself do it.”
“Try, Dad. That’s all I need you to do. Try. We don’t even know each other. Did you know I hate finance? I went into it because it was what you did. I moved to Fever Falls because I was depressed. I see a therapist and take medication.”
His eyes went wide, his chin quivering. “I didn’t know.”
“And that’s my fault for not telling you. We both need to try harder. I know that, but it’s not just that.” I pulled up the chair opposite him. “Dad, you need to find a way to work through your pain. You haven’t lived since Mom died. I know you loved her, and Jesus, I loved her too, but she wouldn’t want this for you. You don’t laugh. You don’t have friends. Hell, maybe you’ll fall in love again one day.”
He scoffed and rolled his eyes. “That will never happen.”
“Maybe not, but maybe it will. The only way to know is to get out there and live. I…” I wrung my hands. “I met someone. It wasn’t something I ever expected to happen.” And I knew then this was the right thing to do. That if I didn’t, if I didn’t put myself out there, that one day, I could be just like my father. I was telling him to risk his heart, but I needed to as well. “We were friends first. He…he helped me through a lot.”
“He?” Dad asked, and I nodded.