Series: Fever Falls Series by Riley Hart
Total pages in book: 85
Estimated words: 81426 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 407(@200wpm)___ 326(@250wpm)___ 271(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 81426 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 407(@200wpm)___ 326(@250wpm)___ 271(@300wpm)
I was pretty sure I was about to be sick. My stomach cramped, and my vision went blurry. Heat flushed through me from head to toe. “Who the fuck was he? Why didn’t you tell me?” I seethed.
“Because I knew you’d react like this. At the time, I couldn’t see past Julian and the fact that I believed he wanted me when no one else would. When it was over, I was too embarrassed. That’s not the point, though. It’s not why I told you. I told you because I was so afraid of being with Carter because of shit with Julian. I could have lost the best thing in my life because I was afraid of being hurt again. Don’t let yourself be afraid of getting hurt.”
I sighed. He was right, but… “Our situations are a little different. I’m not running. Hell, I’d be anything Jude wanted me to be in a second. He’s the one I’m afraid will run.” What if he realized this wasn’t what he wanted? What if he wanted easy and it would always be easier to be with a woman? He would never have to come out.
“Have you told him how you feel?”
Oh…well…
“That’s what I thought. Cam…you’re the bravest person I know. Tell him how you feel. Give him all the information before you worry about what might happen. And it sounds like he’s already made more progress than the other guy. Jude doesn’t deny you.”
I closed my eyes…breathed…confessed. “What if it’s not me he wants? Do I want to put myself out there again with someone I love? Especially someone who’s never been with a guy other than me?”
“How will you ever know if you don’t tell him? And if he doesn’t, then you walk away. Give him a chance before you decide how he’ll react, but also, you should never accept less than what you deserve. If Jude can’t give you everything you want, then he’s not good enough for you.”
“Yeah…I know.” But it wasn’t that easy. I loved him, more than I’d ever loved anyone. And I knew he was worth it. I just hoped he wanted me as badly as I wanted him.
CHAPTER TWENTY-NINE
Jude
Awkward Boy is tired of feeling alone… ~ Theo’s comic
My dad and I had nothing to talk about. It was…awkward spending time together. It was Christmas Eve, and we’d gone out. I showed him around Fever Falls, we’d grabbed some lunch, and yet we rarely spoke. The silence was heavy, as if we both knew that wasn’t how it was supposed to be but neither of us knew how to do anything about it.
Or maybe that was a lie. Maybe we just didn’t want to do anything about it.
Now we were back at the condo, with the plan to do…who knew what. Watch a movie? Hell, we probably should have just spent the day at Rush’s today too. At least there would be other people and activity around us.
My cell rang. I looked down to see Cam’s name on the screen, and as crazy as it sounded, some of the tension seeped from my limbs. Just seeing his name somehow helped.
“Hey,” I answered, just as my father came out of the bathroom. “I’m going to go out on the balcony to speak with my friend Cam,” I told him.
“Yeah, sure,” Dad replied.
Cam was quiet as I went outside and sat on the chair there.
“How’s your visit with your parents?” I asked.
“Okay, I guess,” he replied. It wasn’t how I would have expected him to answer at all. That wasn’t the Camden I knew.
“Is everything okay?”
“Yeah, of course. Why wouldn’t it be? Just talking to my friend.”
My jaw clenched, but guilt twisted inside me at the same time. “Hey, that’s not fair. You know he doesn’t know.” I should have told him already, but that was the thing with us—we didn’t know how to talk to each other, and I was afraid of making it worse.
“It still sucks being called your friend. I’d rather just be called Cam than your friend.”
My chin dropped to my chest as I closed my eyes. “Shit. I’m sorry. You’re right.”
“No. Fuck,” he said, and I knew without being with him that he rubbed a hand over his face. “I’m the one who’s sorry. I don’t know what’s gotten into me. I’m overly emotional or some shit. Maybe it’s the holiday.”
“Yeah, I know. It’s weird here too. My dad looks so much older than the last time I saw him. He’s graying more. And he’s so damn locked inside himself, I don’t know how to deal with it.”
“I’m sorry, Beautiful. I wish there was something I could do.”
Come home ran through my brain, which was a ridiculous thing to think. Cam and I weren’t together because of me. Maybe it was the holiday for me too, but I was feeling overly emotional as well. “Talking to you helps,” I admitted.