Total pages in book: 78
Estimated words: 73774 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 369(@200wpm)___ 295(@250wpm)___ 246(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 73774 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 369(@200wpm)___ 295(@250wpm)___ 246(@300wpm)
“I’m starting a foundation called Tori’s Angels, and it’s going to help children and teens in the same situation as you have someone they can go to who will listen. I know now why you didn’t tell me. I was too close to you, and you feared for what would happen to me, but had you had someone on the outside you could’ve gone to…” I choke up, my emotions getting the better of me. “Things could’ve been different.”
Instead of leaving to go to the studio, I spend some time with Tori, catching her up on how everyone’s doing—Cam and Layla are in parental bliss with Felix, their six-year-old, and Marianna, their one-and-a-half-year-old. Braxton and Kaylee are still in that honeymoon stage, where they’re fucking like jackrabbits every night, which reminds me—I need to start looking for my own place. If I have to hear Kaylee scream Braxton’s name much longer, my ears might permanently bleed. And Declan and Kendall are so much in love that it’s sickening to watch. Luckily, they’re so busy with their six-month-old twins, Morgan and Nina, they don’t have time to fuck like Kaylee and Braxton.
As I tell her about them, I can’t help the way my heart swells in my chest, wishing I could have what they have. They’ve found love and family and aren’t alone. I’ve craved to have all of that my entire life, and now that I’m sober and ready to move forward, I hope to find that one day.
When we’re all caught up, I tell her I’ll visit again soon and then take off to meet up with the guys. I’m both excited and nervous to be back. It’s been years since I’ve done this sober, and I’d be lying if I didn’t admit to being concerned. Luckily, I have my sponsor, Gabe, in case I feel the need to get high, and I’m planning to go to a meeting later today if we get done early enough—if not, I’ll go to one tomorrow.
The second I step foot through Blackwood Records’ doors, I’m met with Easton and Sophia standing by the front desk.
When she sees me, she comes straight for me, enveloping me in her warm embrace. She’s always been the closest thing to a mother figure I’ve had, and since I’ve returned, she’s been around a lot. She admitted to feeling guilty for not stepping up and forcing me to get help—not realizing just how bad it was—but I told her the same thing I told the guys and their wives. Nobody could’ve forced me to do shit. I had to hit rock bottom. And once I did, once I came too damn close to ending my life, I was ready to handle my shit and stand on my own two feet. And I’ll be damned if I ever fall again.
“You look amazing,” Sophia says, kissing my cheek. “Every time I see you, I swear you look even better, healthier. How could we not see it before?” She shakes her head, liquid filling her eyes. “I’ll never forgive—”
“Stop,” I say gently. “The only thing that matters is that I’m okay. Everyone having my back and being here… means the world to me.” I look her in the eyes. “You guys are my family.”
Before she can get even sappier, Easton speaks up. “The guys are already in the studio.” He gives me a quick hug and pats my back. “Welcome back, son.”
My heart races behind my rib cage as I walk into the studio where the guys are. This will be the first time in years that I’m writing, playing, and recording sober. One of my biggest fears is that the music will bring me back to my darkest days and have me craving the high. Then there’s the fear that I won’t be able to play the same, that being sober will fuck up the vibe, and I’ll let the guys down.
Thankfully, the guys don’t make a big deal about me being here. Camden tosses a water bottle my way, Braxton throws me a chin jut, and Declan smiles softly. And then we get started on our next album.
The days turn into weeks, and before we know it, we have enough songs to create an album. Everyone has their own way of doing shit, but for us, we’ll spend anywhere from a few weeks to a couple of months practicing, recording, tweaking, and then finalizing every song. Then begins the other shit: photo shoots, the artwork, merch designs, deciding which songs will be the single, promoting the upcoming album, planning the tour, and the list goes on.
“I think we should start with ‘Deep,’” Camden says, referring to one of the songs I wrote while in rehab. “It’s emotional as hell, and my dad thinks we should consider it for the single.”