Total pages in book: 87
Estimated words: 83394 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 417(@200wpm)___ 334(@250wpm)___ 278(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 83394 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 417(@200wpm)___ 334(@250wpm)___ 278(@300wpm)
Suddenly, I wished I had. That I hadn’t let myself waste that moment. It had been selfish in a lot of ways. Sure, maybe it was something small—going to a bar with friends. In the grand scheme of things, how did that matter? What made it wrong was that Gage couldn’t have done that with us. Gage was in prison, and I’d just…given the moment away. I’d never looked at it that way before, never allowed myself to think about the things I was giving up as things Gage didn’t have the chance to give up. They were forced from his grasp.
“We could always make plans to do it now.” I sat up straighter, surprised the words had come from me. I didn’t say things like that or make offers like that.
“Holy shit. Are you serious?” The astonishment in Angie’s voice both steeled my resolve and made me feel guilty that I gave her reason to disbelieve I would want something as simple as going out with my friends.
“If holy shit are the first words out of our daughter’s mouth, I’m going to…well, I don’t want to say kick your ass because we both know you could kick mine,” Kev teased, and it was perfect, so fucking perfect. This beautiful moment in time when we all laughed together again, and looking around the table, I could swear we were all eighteen years old again.
Angie was Mouse, her hair dyed pink.
Kevin was Romeo, endlessly confessing his feelings to the girl he’d already known he wanted to marry.
Gage dropped his head back, his throat working, and he was wearing his baseball uniform, his face filled with the happiness and hope that had been stripped away from him.
And me…I was looking at him like he held the world in his hands, like there was nothing he couldn’t do, because I’d already known he was the boy I wanted to spend the rest of my life with too.
When everyone settled down, we were all in our late twenties again, not those starry-eyed kids.
“I think we should plan something, if you’re serious, Jojo.” Gage winced. “Shit. Sorry. Joey.”
“You guys are stuck now,” Kevin said. “We’re not gonna let you change your minds.”
Part of me hoped not.
“I’m gonna get the grill going,” he added just as Olivia began to fuss.
Angie stood and handed her to me. “Here, uncles. Watch your niece while I get her a bottle.”
I set her on my lap, facing us. Gage was beside me as I began to bounce my knee up and down. Her little arms flailed, and she smiled. God, she was so perfect. It was hard not to forget my demons, not to trap them away when I held her or looked at her, this little person Kevin and Angie had created. I wanted better for her than I’d had.
“She’s incredible,” Gage whispered so softly, I almost couldn’t make out the words.
“I know. Sometimes I can’t believe I’m lucky enough to have Kev and Angie allow me in her life. Like somehow, I’m gonna taint her or something.” All the shit I did—being miserable, fucking without emotion, the fighting, cutting myself off from the world and happiness—I didn’t want it to seep into her.
“You won’t,” he replied. “I might not know you anymore, but I know that.”
Christ, I couldn’t believe this was where we were at, this place where Gage didn’t know me and I didn’t know him. Which felt both true and not true.
Gage asked, “Do you want them—kids, I mean. You used to.”
“No. Not anymore. That’s not me. I’ll just love all the ones Angie and Kev have.”
“Yeah, me too. That is, if I stay and we’re all close still.”
My heart dropped, my chest caved in, the feeling pissing me off but too powerful to deny. Without looking away from Olivia and her big blue eyes and blonde curls, I said, “So you might not stay? You’re gonna go?”
“No, I didn’t mean that. I don’t have plans to go anywhere.” He reached over me then, played with Olivia’s hair. “It’s almost like I can forget where I’ve been when I look at her. Is it like that for you?”
“Yep.” I wasn’t at all surprised we were on the same wavelength.
What you are, I am.
“Sorry to interrupt.” I hadn’t heard Angie approach.
“Can, um…can I?” Gage asked.
“Yeah, of course. She needs to get to know her uncle Hero. She already loves this guy like crazy. Sometimes I think she likes Joey better than me.”
I rolled my eyes as I handed the baby to Gage. His skin was warm, familiar, as our hands and arms brushed. An electric current ran up my spine and then was gone, Olivia in his arms, and I had no reason not to pull away.
“Like this?” He held her close, tilting the bottle up for her. “Jesus, I’ve never even fed a baby before.”