Total pages in book: 87
Estimated words: 83394 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 417(@200wpm)___ 334(@250wpm)___ 278(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 83394 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 417(@200wpm)___ 334(@250wpm)___ 278(@300wpm)
I finished my workday, went home, changed, and headed to the gym.
Gage wasn’t there. I didn’t know if I was happy or disappointed.
CHAPTER THIRTY-THREE
Gage
“Is everything okay?” I asked Herbert. He’d been acting sketchy for a few days now.
“Yeah, kid. It’s fine. Don’t you worry about nothin’.” I nodded, but the hairs on the back of my neck stood on end. Something wasn’t right, but I couldn’t put my finger on what it was. “Let’s work on your reading.”
“Nah, I don’t really feel like it.”
“Don’t much care what you feel like,” he replied, and damned if he wasn’t the only person who could get away with talking to me like that. I worked hard to keep out of trouble because I wanted out of here as soon as I could make it happen, but I also wouldn’t take shit from anyone. That would mark me, and I wasn’t willing to take that risk. “You’re getting better.”
I was a grown-ass man who struggled to read. No matter how much better I got, it still made me feel like a loser. “That’s because there’s nothing else to do.”
“Shut the hell up and get a book.”
I sighed but grabbed one as Herbert climbed down from his bunk and sat on mine while I read to him…which led to talking about Joey. It always led back to Joey. He listened, told me it was okay, was there for me.
The night morphed then, transforming into the next day. Herbert didn’t come out of the showers. I went in to find him, and he was lying on the white tile, bleeding, a shiv in his neck.
I fell down, my knees hit the shower floor, but I didn’t cry. I didn’t have it in me to cry. It would only make me weak.
My eyes jerked open, sweat dripping down my forehead and drenching my pillow. I shot up in bed, my eyes darting around the room as if I were still there, still in prison, still behind bars. My chest was tight, and I couldn’t breathe. It was hot, so damned hot, I felt like my skin was on fire.
Air. I needed air.
I was wearing shorts and nothing else as I shoved out the door, stumbling into the yard. My knees hit the grass like they had in the shower all those years ago, when I lost Herbert.
Struggling, I sucked in lungfuls of air, trying to get enough, trying to practice deep-breathing exercises.
Time passed, couldn’t say how much, until eventually, my body calmed down, the nightmare still there but drifting into that box in my head for my time in prison.
There was a sound behind me. I didn’t have to look to know it was Darrel. He didn’t know I’d seen him sometimes at night, when he sneaked outside to have a cigarette. I thought it was maybe when his demons were getting ahold of him too, but I never brought it up, never asked.
“Shit. Busted,” he said, then, “Are you okay?”
“Yeah.” I stood on weak legs, embarrassed. “Can I have one of those?”
“I didn’t know you smoked,” he replied but handed one over.
“I don’t. Not anymore.” Joey always hated it when I smoked.
“Yeah, me neither.” He lit both our cigarettes, and we stood there, leaning against his house, inhaling and exhaling. “Cut the drugs and alcohol out, but I still need this sometimes.”
“You’re doing good in all the ways that matter.” He’d made more of a life for himself than I had.
“It’s the anniversary of losing my best friend. My past. I saw him get shot…held him while he took his last breath. Wrong place, wrong time was his only crime.”
I envied him then, how easily he could talk about things. That he could tell me his pain when I kept mine locked away. “I’m sorry.”
“Me too. What about you? Tit for tat.”
I shook my head. I couldn’t share Herbert. His memory was mine. “You can tell me more about your friend, though,” I offered, and he did. We finished one cigarette and lit another as Darrel talked. Clearly, he needed it, and I listened, wondered if it would ever be that easy for me.
When we were done, he said, “Sorry for keeping you up all night.”
“No worries.” I wouldn’t have slept more anyway.
“Do you have plans this weekend? I was thinking we could…I don’t know…do something? Get away?”
My heart raced, and I started sweating all over again. I didn’t know if he was asking as a friend or something more, but both possibilities scared the fuck out of me.
“It’s okay. You can say no. You look like you’re going to pass out.”
“I’m fine. I like you a lot. Just don’t have anything to give, ya know? Plus, I have plans this weekend. My old friends Mouse and Romeo—shit—Angie and Kevin, they’re having me and Joey over.”
I wasn’t stupid. I knew it was their way to get us to spend time together. I wasn’t sure we’d have done it on our own, so I loved them for it. Everyone deserved to have a Mouse and Romeo in their lives.