Total pages in book: 87
Estimated words: 83394 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 417(@200wpm)___ 334(@250wpm)___ 278(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 83394 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 417(@200wpm)___ 334(@250wpm)___ 278(@300wpm)
By the time I made it outside, Darrel was already there. He wore a pair of basketball shorts and a T-shirt. “Sorry there’s no beer or anything, but the iced tea’s on the table.” He nodded toward the picnic table between my house and his. He had a great setup there—the picnic table, grill, a covered patio, and the two houses.
“Thanks. It’s no problem. Don’t really drink a lot.” That was nice of him, though, since he was recovering and didn’t drink at all.
I’d turned twenty-one in prison, so it wasn’t like I’d spent a lot of time in my life going out and getting drunk.
There were two cups, so I poured each of us one. I tried to think of something to say, but sometimes it was as if I was broken. I didn’t know how to talk to people, how to break the ice. Back in Sacramento, it took me forever to warm up to Billy. If he hadn’t been so insistent, I likely wouldn’t have.
Darrel said, “It was hard for me too…when I got out.”
I flinched at his deep voice as he stepped closer behind me. Turning around, I handed him his drink. “Even after four years?”
“Nah, but it’s not a competition. No two stories are the same, not in this and not in anything in life. People tend to judge the world through their own experiences. If they didn’t suffer in the same way as someone else or deal with something in the same way as someone else, one of them is always wrong and one right, instead of realizing they’re both right. Just…not the same. Personal. How can it not be?”
He was right. Of course he was right, but hearing him say it made discomfort surge through my chest. What I couldn’t figure out was why.
We changed the subject, and eventually, Darrel mentioned he wanted to start a garden.
“Really? Where?” I wasn’t sure why I was interested.
He took me to the side of the house and pointed out an open space, telling me a bit about what he was thinking of doing. I’d never tried to grow anything, never tried to nurture, but I was strangely curious about it now.
“Maybe I could help?”
“Yeah, man, that’d be great,” he said, and a foreign bubble of excitement formed in my gut.
We walked back to the grill. “What ya makin’?”
“Brisket. It’ll rock your world.”
I chuckled.
As the food finished cooking, we talked about his past. Darrel had started drinking and doing drugs at a young age. It landed him in prison. That and a nasty fight.
“When I got out, I swore to myself that would never be me again. I wasn’t goin’ back there. Already broke my mama’s heart once; I wasn’t about to do that shit again, so I took my parole seriously, took my drugs-and-alcohol classes seriously. Along the way, I realized I actually believed the shit they were tellin’ me in those classes and that I wanted to be on the other side of it. Went to college, got my degree, and here we are.”
We were sitting at the table now, my finger circling the rim of my cup as I listened to him. He made it sound so easy, but it wasn’t for me. How did he get past it? How did he not hate himself? Did he freak out in crowds or dislike sitting with his back to a door? Did he have nightmares? How did he let himself be happy?
God, I hoped Jojo was happy.
Darrel sighed. “Shit. I didn’t mean to do that. I always get too philosophical.”
I shook my head. “Nah, it’s fine. It’s more me than anything.”
“I like you, Gage. I’m not sure what it is about you, because I don’t know you that well, but I like you. You’re a good man. I can see it. Hopefully one day you will too.”
I closed my eyes…saw Jojo’s face when the bat had connected, when his dad fell to the ground…the body…the blood…his face when I told him I didn’t want him anymore; Herbert…Mouse’s smile, her compassionate heart, Romeo’s easygoing nature…knew I’d hurt them all.
Hadn’t gotten over losing them and couldn’t risk losing anyone again.
“I’m going to the gym tomorrow.” Darrel’s voice pried my eyes open. “You should come with me.”
“Okay.” It was the best I could do.
He clapped his hands together. “That’s what I want to hear. Now let’s get that food off the grill.”
He did, and we ate outside together, brisket and grilled veggies. I was surprised when Darrel mentioned an ex-boyfriend. He didn’t know about me, but he’d just said it, like it was nothing because it shouldn’t be. It made me think about Jojo…everything led back to Jojo. I hoped it was easier for him now, that he had someone, that he had no problems talking about his boyfriend or his husband, that they went out to fancy dinners with their friends.