Total pages in book: 167
Estimated words: 157175 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 786(@200wpm)___ 629(@250wpm)___ 524(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 157175 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 786(@200wpm)___ 629(@250wpm)___ 524(@300wpm)
His face is halfway between excitement and uncertainty. ‘Mum?’
‘Hey,’ Ava chirps, genuinely happy. She can see her boy’s unease, and instinct is telling her to right it. My fucking heart booms in my chest.
There’s a few bangs in the background, a door, I think, and Jacob is suddenly ambushed by his sister. ‘Is Mum there?’ Maddie asks, a little frantic as she appears on the screen with Jacob. ‘Mum!’ She has no unease, just pure excitement.
Ava leans forward to get closer, touching the screen with her fingertip. ‘How are you two? Having fun with Nan and Pap?’
‘We’ve been surfing,’ Maddie tells her enthusiastically. ‘Well, me and Jacob did. Pap stuck to the boogie board.’ Ava laughs, and, God, I could cry. ‘Mum, did you get your memory back?’ Maddie, bored of surf talk, asks the question I knew she would, while Jacob would only think it.
Ava smiles. ‘We’ve made progress.’ She looks up at me. ‘Haven’t we, Dad?’ Her look suggests I should pull it together. I quickly brush at my eyes and clear my throat.
‘Great progress,’ I confirm.
‘Tell us what you’re doing,’ Jacob pipes up.
‘Your dad took me out on his bike today,’ Ava begins. ‘We had a walk in the park, stopped at a café, and ate my favourite for lunch.’ She smiles, and I resist the urge to remind her that she didn’t actually eat her favourite lunch. ‘Now we’re looking at pictures from our wedding.’
‘And do you remember any of it?’ Maddie’s dark brown eyes, a mirror image of her mother’s, glimmer with so much hope, I just can’t see it dashed.
‘There have been some things, yes,’ I jump in, putting my arm around Ava’s shoulders and squeezing her closer. ‘Like your mum knows things, but she’s not quite sure how she knows them.’
‘Like what?’ Jacob asks.
‘Like I knew how to ride on the back of Dad’s bike. But I don’t ever remember riding a bike before today. How cool is that?’ Ava claps her hands excitedly. All I can see is sincerity in her. Nothing but a mother’s desire to make sure her kids are happy and reassured, no matter what. Her way with them, even if she has no idea, is Ava through and through. It’s inside her, and it isn’t lost. ‘Then he took me on a romantic walk through the park to where we had one of our first dates.’
Both of them look at each other on a roll of their eyes and mimic throwing up with their fingers in their mouths. I laugh, as does Ava. ‘What else did you remember?’ Jacob presses on, done with the sloppy stuff.
‘I remember some things your dad has said to me in the past. But enough of that. How is everything there?’ Ava settles back on the couch and gets comfortable, chatting happily with our kids for a good ten minutes. And I remain where I am, content to watch her. I could leave the room and she wouldn’t notice, and for the first time in my life, it doesn’t hurt to know she wouldn’t miss me if I were not here.
When she’s done, she blows them both a kiss on a promise to call tomorrow, and sighs when she’s hung up, looking down at the phone on a mild smile. It’s a good few minutes before she snaps from her daydream and seeks me out.
‘I didn’t want to say goodbye, anyway,’ I tease quietly.
She laughs lightly and settles her head on my chest. ‘I’m sorry.’
‘Never apologise for loving our children more than me.’ I realise my error the second it’s fallen from my big gob. Love me. Does she? Can she? Will she?
‘I love you all the same,’ she argues quietly, pulling my stare down to the back of her head. There’s unmistakable uncertainty in her tone.
‘I don’t expect you to wake up from a coma with no recollection of me and instantly be in love with me, Ava.’ Never has it hurt so bad to say something.
Turning onto her back slowly, her head on my lap, she looks up at me. ‘I love our children,’ she tells me, her hand on her heart. ‘I can feel it in here.’
I place my hand over hers and squeeze, trying not to allow myself to be disappointed. A mother’s instinct is stronger than anything else in existence. It might hurt, but it also injects me with more fortitude. If the next few days are anything like today, Sarah aside, then she’ll be head over heels with me in no time.
I hope.
I pray.
There’s no doubt the lust is there. I take comfort from the fact that this is how it started for us. That lust. That desire. The need to be all over each other. I see it in her now – the restraint it’s taking to hold back, the overwhelming urge to ravish me. I have to let her go at her own pace, and that pace has accelerated satisfyingly today. But I know she’s holding back, too, and I have a feeling deep inside me that it’s because she’s scared. She’s scared of how she feels for me without even really knowing me. Just like she was scared all those years ago.