Total pages in book: 49
Estimated words: 48146 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 241(@200wpm)___ 193(@250wpm)___ 160(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 48146 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 241(@200wpm)___ 193(@250wpm)___ 160(@300wpm)
“Besides the fact that I cracked my tooth by being stupid, had to get major dental work, and then Coach kept me back from a team activity?”
“Yeah, guess that’s a lot.” Spencer hesitated a second, then said, “But you’ve been struggling since the beginning of the season.”
I straightened. “Struggling how?”
“Like distant and preoccupied.”
I couldn’t help wondering if my teammates were comparing notes behind my back. None of them had seemed surprised about my missing the bus ride unless they just didn’t want to bring it up or rub it in.
“Just got a lot on my mind.”
“What could possibly be rolling around in that pea brain of yours?” A-Train said.
I knew it was only teasing when they lobbed jokes at me for being on the dopey side—they didn’t even know about my childhood nickname—but this time, it stung. No way I’d give them extra ammunition, at least not with that, so I blurted out, “Maybe the fact that I’m bisexual.”
Turned out Emil was right. If I was going to come out, I had to do it on my own. I couldn’t use him as a crutch, and I didn’t want to bottle up my feelings anymore. And though I understood what Henners had gone through and why he was hiding himself last year, I didn’t want to end up sick like he did.
A-Train straightened and looked at me. “Uh, what?”
“Yeah, you heard that right. I like guys and girls.”
“Another one has fallen,” A-Train said dramatically.
“Don’t worry, it’s not contagious. People don’t magically turn gay, but they can have it dawn on them at any age.”
“Someone’s been doing their homework,” Spencer said.
“I’ve been trying to grow as a human being,” I lobbed back.
“Enough to include guys in the equation,” A-Train quipped.
I shrugged. “I’m understanding myself better. You could use some of that self-awareness.”
“What’s going on?” Flash asked as he and Henners joined us.
“Bones just told us—” A-Train slapped a hand over his mouth. “Oops, that’s not for me to tell.”
“Thanks for that,” I said, thumping his knee, “but I’m okay with you sharing.”
“Bones is bisexual!” A-Train said.
My gaze met Henners’s, and I could feel the support blazing from his eyes.
“Well, duh,” Flash replied. “You said as much when you were doped up on anesthesia.”
“Huh?” My gaze sprang to his. “What the hell are you talking about?”
He sank down on the couch across from us. “You asked Emil to be your boyfriend.”
“I most certainly did not!” My heart was threatening to beat out of my chest.
He smirked. “You did.”
I looked at Henners. “Is that true?”
His gaze was full of concern. “Yeah.”
I screwed my eyes shut. “Why didn’t you tell me I made an ass of myself?”
“You were hilarious,” Flash said.
“And we didn’t want to embarrass you,” Henners added.
“Well, fuck.” I rubbed my hand over my face. “When has that ever stopped you?”
They laughed, but I was still reeling. Was that why Emil seemed to be walking on eggshells around me? Had I made him uncomfortable in front of these guys? Or just uncomfortable in general? Still, he could’ve given me a heads-up.
“Just out of curiosity, how did you figure this out about yourself?” A-Train asked.
“I realized I had a crush on someone—and believe me, it was none of you.”
Henners cracked up and high-fived me. “Way braver than I was last year.”
“It’s not a competition, though, is it?”
“Not unless Emil is involved,” Spencer said, and everyone laughed.
Flash squeezed my shoulder. “Look at our boy Bones figuring shit out.”
“You want some pointers?” I countered.
And though I felt relieved, in a way, I was even more confused.
19
EMIL
Leah and I met Lark and his sister, Star, at the diner where his mom worked. I ordered a grilled cheese with tomato soup because it felt right for the fall weather. The leaves turning red and gold were pretty, and the fall festival at the end of the month only punctuated the season. Along with our recital, which was coming along very well. There was even a buzz about it, and tickets for the event were almost sold out.
Star had brought some coloring books, and Leah was totally into using all the shades of blue crayons on her picture while waiting for our food.
“Nice to see you,” Ms. Levitt said as she served us our meals.
She kissed Star on the head as she dug into her chicken nuggets, then went off to assist other customers.
“I still can’t believe you were at Urgent Care Friday night,” Lark said.
“Right?” I finished slurping my soup. “That was not on my bingo card this year.”
“Glad they were able to save his tooth,” Leah said.
“Yeah, you can’t even tell the difference.” The procedure involved something called dental bonding, which I wouldn’t be able to define if I tried.
“Henry told me some of the stuff he was saying on anesthesia.” Lark smirked. “Sounded pretty funny.”
“Yeah, that’s why I decided not to tell him about any of it. Awkward.”