Total pages in book: 83
Estimated words: 80689 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 403(@200wpm)___ 323(@250wpm)___ 269(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 80689 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 403(@200wpm)___ 323(@250wpm)___ 269(@300wpm)
But my real concern right now is him.
“Ryan, after everything you went through, this can’t be good for you, being in this place with your brother fucking with your head.” I hesitate, fearing his reaction to what I’m considering, but I can’t keep it to myself. “When I leave, you should come with me. You can live with me and my aunt. You’re a hard worker. You’ll be able to get a job in no time. It doesn’t have to be anything more than that. I just don’t want you to have to stay.”
He smirks, but the sorrow in his expression doesn’t shift. “That’s a beautiful idea,” he says, giving me hope, but then he goes on, “You’re very kind, Jonas. But the reason I know he’ll hold up his end of the deal is because Charity’s gonna need more help, even after you leave. If you want his support, then you’ll have to do what he wants. And I’ll have to stay.”
Fuck.
Maybe Ryan’s right about Simon. Maybe he knows and doesn’t give a fuck because he has the perfect insurance plan. I’m at his mercy, but at what price?
“No, there has to be another way. We can go back to the treatment center she was at before. We can find a way to make this work. I can’t leave you here.”
His lips curl into a small, sad smile. “This is where Simon’s outsmarted us both. Because he knows I’d never let you do that. There aren’t many people who can afford the kind of care Simon can buy, and I’ve researched all the doctors Charity’s seeing. They’re the best; of course they are. They’re her chance—the chance for both of you to have a life.”
Is he right? What if all this time, while we thought we’ve been undermining Simon’s plan, we’ve actually been playing into his game? And now we’re already in checkmate.
“No, I refuse to believe that. Ryan, I can’t ask you to torture yourself to save her.”
“It’s not your choice to make. It’s mine.”
I’m torn between rage—pissed that Simon has placed us in this position—and appreciation—how willing Ryan is to sacrifice himself for this girl he’s only just met. It doesn’t surprise me, even from what little time I’ve known him, but it’s not right.
“Don’t worry about me, Jonas. That day Kieran attacked me, something in me died. An innocence. A hope about life. Since then, I’ve been a ghost, haunting the halls of Hawthorne Heights. Running through this same routine, an echo of myself, resigned to a hell I felt I deserved. Since you came here, for the first time in years, I’ve felt alive. You gave me a chance to live again. And when you leave, I’ll still be alive because you will have left me with memories that can sustain me the rest of my life.”
Oh, Ryan. My kind, compassionate, wounded Ryan. I rest my hand on the back of his head. “Until I met you, I didn’t know I could feel this kind of exhilaration about life. Even with how fucked up it’s been, I’m just glad I’ve gotten to know you.”
He studies my face, his gaze gravitating to my lips before he lunges toward me and takes a kiss. I eagerly reciprocate.
There’s no fixing all this in an afternoon, so we might as well enjoy each other’s bodies.
He pushes me onto my back, straddling my waist, pulling away just long enough to get his shirt off.
“Fuck me here,” he whispers as he moves close, until his lips are inches from mine. “I just want to forget all the bullshit, away from him. So it’s just the two of us.”
“I want that too.”
As I probe his waist with my hands, he rocks his hips, his ass rubbing against the crotch of my shorts.
“Fuck,” I mutter.
He reaches into his pocket and retrieves a bottle of lube.
“Oh, really? Someone was prepared.”
“After that time in the library, I figured it was better to be prepared. Not that I had a problem with taking your dry cock.”
Just his mention of that magical moment sends a warm sensation shooting through me, helping ease the ache from hearing his pain and discussing the horror of the twisted game Simon has us trapped in.
This isn’t only about those things, though—it’s about life. About the harsh, brutal realities we’ve both faced.
For a few fleeting moments, we can leave the bullshit behind.
Just the two of us, lost in each other.
In a frenzy, we struggle out of our clothes, and he lies across my shirt as I position myself between his legs. I finish lubricating my cock before I push the head against his hole.
There’s still remnants of pain in his expression. The pink around his eyes. The subtlest of frowns. And something else too. Something unseen. A pain he’ll always carry.
I know he can’t just fuck the pain away, but it’s worth a shot.