Total pages in book: 83
Estimated words: 80689 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 403(@200wpm)___ 323(@250wpm)___ 269(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 80689 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 403(@200wpm)___ 323(@250wpm)___ 269(@300wpm)
“Don’t be sorry, Ryan. Thank you. Thank you.”
Despite his sympathy and the care of his embrace, I know he’s saying it only because he’s unaware of what I left out.
Jonas can’t know I was the reason why Kieran’s body was at the bottom of that drop-off.
No one can ever know the truth.
19
SIMON
A fire rages in me.
You did this to yourself.
It’s a vain reminder when I have to sit here, watching the footage from last night.
Jonas and Ryan were as quick as ever to get into bed, kissing and struggling to get each other naked.
Jonas’s body presses up against Ryan’s. “Do I remind you of someone?”
“Why do you ask?”
“Nell mentioned something earlier. She made it sound like I must really resemble this person. And I figured maybe that’s why you’ve acted how you do around me.”
Goose bumps prick across my flesh before Ryan says, “Yes.”
“Who?”
Don’t you dare, Ryan.
“His name was Kieran. He was…our brother. Well, half brother.”
How fucking dare you!
I hit the heel of my hand against my head. Then do it harder before clawing at my skull.
“Do I remind you of him in a good way?” Jonas asks, and Ryan nods.
Of course in a good way. He’s fucking you, isn’t he?
I can’t believe he said his fucking name.
“Now come here,” Ryan whispers as he kisses Jonas again. They go through the familiar dance before Ryan takes Jonas’s cock once again. It’s a decent size, but he’s no Kieran; he’ll never be Kieran.
Ryan must know this too. That’s why he couldn’t open his eyes when they first began fucking around. Because it would kill him to see the man he loved so fucking much, knowing it couldn’t be real.
But now he’s all play and smiles with Jonas.
How dare he mention his name to this stranger? How dare he desecrate our brother’s memory?
He doesn’t give a damn about Kieran; he never fucking did. Otherwise, he wouldn’t have such an easy time screwing this impostor, the shell of the real thing.
But I guess even an impostor is better than nothing.
“You feel so good,” Ryan says as Jonas takes him. How can he look at that face and say another name? How do his sins not torment him?
Does he think he deserves this?
Rage pulses through me, stinging like a hornet’s nest has exploded in my chest. I clutch at my broken heart… How it burns.
Yet I can’t take my eyes off his sin.
I watch how he strokes Jonas’s face. How he rolls his head back as Jonas nibbles and bites at his neck.
Does it feel like it did with Kieran?
I reflect on the touch, the taste, those sensations only he could give me.
I rub my hand against the crotch of my pajama bottoms. I’m like a stone. And pissed about it. I stroke up and down as I grind my teeth.
He didn’t have a right to say his fucking name!
“Fuck me harder. Harder,” Ryan pleads, but I imagine him calling out Kieran’s name, the moaning. The grunting as he took that cock.
“Kieran! Kieran!” He just kept begging for it. Wanting more…desperately.
There’s the old shed, the knife in my chest as I stared, the horror of the sight…of the betrayal as they went at it like dogs, tearing each other’s clothes off, working to reach their release.
It’s etched into my goddamn brain. No matter how many times I push it back, it always resurfaces. But I don’t want to forget it either. I’m pleased to know Ryan for the traitor he is, has always been. You destroyed this family, Ry. You destroyed all our lives, and you’ll fucking pay for your crimes.
That fire in me is a goddamn inferno, scorching my body as Ryan begs for Jonas’s cock.
This is the animal in him—he doesn’t give a fuck about anyone else as long as he’s satisfied.
My face is hot with fury.
Ryan doesn’t deserve this kind of pleasure, only pain.
“I’m coming, I’m coming,” Jonas breathes, and it sneaks up on me, this jolt of energy that radiates through my body, forcing a moan as I shoot inside my pajamas, staring at Ryan’s face as he comes too.
It reminds me of when we were young.
Back in a time when no one had explained how bodies worked, when we were itching to explore, caressing and humping until Ryan discovered the secret first, then me. Eve’s first bite in the garden, that moment when we were no longer innocent children, but lust-hungry flesh with cravings we couldn’t resist. A hunger that couldn’t be sated, neither of us considering what we did wrong because we were so caught up in the frenzy of these fresh chemical reactions in our brains.
Gasping as I come down from my climax, I keep stroking my hand against the wet fabric of my bottoms. Jonas collapses onto Ryan, who hooks his arms around him.
They lie there, breathing in sync. My brother’s arms wrap around Jonas, who pulls back and gazes at my brother before they kiss. It’s sweet, affectionate.