Total pages in book: 131
Estimated words: 145402 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 727(@200wpm)___ 582(@250wpm)___ 485(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 145402 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 727(@200wpm)___ 582(@250wpm)___ 485(@300wpm)
Neil assumed Officer Higgins was the reason Andrew landed in one of the best juvenile facilities in California. It focused on rehabilitation through discipline and empowerment, which meant all of the inmates learned team sports. There wasn't enough room for a full-sized court, but an officer confirmed in an interview they had a half-court on the facility grounds. The best and best-behaved of the would-be Exy athletes went on occasional field trips to the community center and competed with neighborhood teams.
Neil didn't blame Andrew for thinking the court was a better place to be than a cell, but he doubted Exy was the only sport the facility offered. Andrew chose Exy for a reason. Neil would assume the aggressive nature of the game appealed to him, but Andrew was a goalkeeper. He got very few opportunities to indulge in mindless violence. He said as much to Andrew and got a faint shrug in response.
"The warden assigned it to me," Andrew said. "I couldn't play otherwise."
"They thought you'd hurt someone if you were loose on the court?" Neil asked. Andrew didn't answer; Neil took his silence as confirmation. He tried imagining Andrew in any other position but couldn't see it. "I think it's better this way, with you as the last line of defense. You let us run ourselves into the ground and clean up behind us. You play the game like you play life. That's why you're so good at it."
Neil looked up when a door opened down the hall. Kevin came in search of him, already changed into his gear and looking annoyed by the delay. He stopped short when he realized they were talking. Kevin hadn't asked Neil yet what happened on Friday. Neil didn't know if he'd asked Andrew but he doubted Andrew would explain. According to Renee only she and Neil knew Andrew was gay. Neil had no idea how Wymack picked up on it.
"I'm coming," Neil said, but he didn't straighten.
Kevin held up a finger in a one-minute warning and left. Neil listened for the back door to close before looking at Andrew again.
"I'm not a striker by choice, either," he said. "I was a backliner in little leagues. Riko remembers because I scrimmaged with him and Kevin. He made me play defense with his Ravens over Christmas."
That finally got Andrew to lower his arm. "Little leagues, he says. I distinctly remember you telling people you learned to play in Millport."
"Partial truth," Neil said. "I knew how to play Exy. I just didn't know how to play offense. I didn't want to be a striker, but Coach Hernandez didn't have any room on his defense line. It was striker or nothing, and I wanted to play too badly to walk away. Now I can't imagine playing anything else."
Andrew said nothing for a while, then, "You're more a raccoon than a fox."
Neil stared. "What?"
"A raccoon," Andrew said, and mimed holding a ball in front of his face. "Exy is the shiny object of your sad little world. You know you're being hunted and you know the hounds are closing in, but you won't let go to save yourself. You once told me you don't understand why a person would actively try to die, but here you are. I guess that was another lie."
"I'm not trying to die," Neil said. "This is how I stay alive. When I'm playing, I feel like I have control over something. I feel like I have the power to change things. I feel more real out there than I do anywhere else. The court doesn't care what my name is or where I'm from or where I'll be tomorrow. It lets me exist as I am."
"It is a court," Andrew said. "It does not 'let' you do anything."
"You know what I mean."
"I don't."
"Because you don't have anything, do you?" Neil said in quiet challenge. "Nothing gets to you like that. Nothing gets under your skin."
"He catches on at last," Andrew mused. "It only took him a year."
"What are you afraid of?"
"Heights."
"Andrew."
"If you make Kevin come looking for you, you will regret it."
Neil pushed away from the couch without another word and went to get changed. He tugged on his gear with more force than was strictly necessary, but he was still humming with annoyance when he stepped onto the court. Getting scolded for tardiness didn't help his mood any. Neil almost reminded Kevin that they didn't have a mandatory schedule for their extra sessions, but there was no point. They were here because they had work to do.
He went through the drills as hard and fast as he could, knowing he'd regret it in the morning. He didn't care. It was harder to think when everything hurt. Exhaustion finally killed the last of his annoyance and he wasn't feeling much of anything by the time they left the court.
That lethargic peace lasted up until Neil left the shower and found Kevin sitting on a bench in the changing room. The stern look on his face said he wasn't waiting out of courtesy.
"Did you fix it?" Kevin asked.
"Fix what?" Neil asked.
"Don't act like an imbecile. If you are here, I expect you to be here," he said, emphasis on the last word. "The second your problems with Andrew interfere with our game they become our problems. Do you want us to win or don't you?"
"Don't lecture me like I don't know what's at stake."
"You told me to focus on the team," Kevin said. "That's what I am doing: ensuring you don't jeopardize its success."
"I wasn't jeopardizing anything. I was two minutes late because I asked Andrew to come practice with us."
"You were five, and don't ask him again. We do not need him there as a favor to us. He has to come of his own free will or it doesn't mean anything." Kevin got up and motioned sharply for Neil to follow. "We're leaving."
They collected Andrew from the lounge on their way out and split up in the hallway. Matt was already asleep, but he'd left his desk lamp on so Neil could find his way around. Neil changed out in its dim light. When he went to turn the lamp off on his way to bed, he found a scribbled note taped to the light switch.