Total pages in book: 75
Estimated words: 90410 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 452(@200wpm)___ 362(@250wpm)___ 301(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 90410 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 452(@200wpm)___ 362(@250wpm)___ 301(@300wpm)
Closing my eyes for a moment, I imagined it was last summer when life was so simple. Then, the little cry coming from the baby carrier strapped to my chest snapped me back to reality.
Bea’s head wiggled back and forth in search of my breast. “Wait…wait. I have to take you out of this thing first.” Removing her from the Baby Bjorn, I babbled, “You were so good during the ride. You must be starving, huh?”
Shit. Most of my stuff was still in the car. I carried my two-month-old daughter outside to retrieve the breastfeeding pillow from my backseat. Tracy had bought it for me, insisting it was the one item I’d need the most, and she was right. It was bright pink with white daisies and an absolute necessity in order to feed this constantly hungry baby without breaking my back. I stopped for a moment to admire the ocean before returning inside.
Bea was short for Beatrice. She was named after my grandmother. My baby girl was born in mid-March, one week before her due date. Adam chose not to be there. He said he wanted proof that the baby was his, and until then, he wasn’t going to acknowledge her as his daughter. Because we’d used condoms, he assumed that it was unlikely that he could be the father. He was the only person I’d slept with before getting pregnant, but there was simply no way to prove that to him if he didn’t take my word for it. I didn’t want the stress of having to get Bea’s blood drawn right now, and he was in no hurry to be there for us, so I chose to put off dealing with him. His bitch, Ashlyn, was surely working this situation behind the scenes, and I was sure she was telling him that I was a liar. With much bigger fish to fry, I didn’t need that shit right now. Life was too stressful as it was.
When Bea finished feeding, she fell asleep again. I slowly pulled her off of my breast and placed her in the infant seat. I used the rare break to head back outside and retrieve the rest of our items. Most of my stuff was in storage back in Providence. But I did bring all of our clothes and Bea’s bassinet. I would have to purchase a crib and figure out how to assemble it.
A man with dark curls who looked to be in his early thirties approached me. His big brown eyes beamed. “Hey, neighbor. I saw your car. I was wondering when I’d get to meet the occupants of this gorgeous home.”
I pointed to the house just to the right of mine. “You live in that one right there?”
“Yes. Moved in back in the fall. I’m one of the rare year-round folks, apparently.”
“Well, you’ve met Cheri, right? She’s also year-round.”
“Yup, but I think that’s about it.”
Laughing, I said, “You’re probably right.”
He held out his hand. “Roger Manning.”
“Nice to meet you…Amelia Payne.”
“I see you have baby stuff in here. Do you have kids?”
“Oh…just one. My daughter was born in March. She’s inside sleeping.”
“I have a daughter, too. She’s seven and lives with her mother in California.”
“You must miss her.”
“You have no idea. I work for the Navy, so I’ve been stationed out here for a while. After her mom and I got divorced, my ex wanted to move back West to be closer to her family.”
“I see.”
“Will I get to meet your husband?”
“Oh…I’m not married. It’s sort of a long story. I’m not with the father of my child. It was an accidental pregnancy.”
“I’m sorry to hear that.”
“Don’t be. It’s a blessing.”
Roger peeked inside my trunk. “Can I help you carry the rest of this stuff in?”
My fear of trusting this virtual stranger was overridden by my fatigue. Bea hadn’t been letting me sleep, and I welcomed any help I could get carrying all of this crap inside.
“That would be great.”
Roger unloaded all of the items from the car into the house, even bringing the bassinet upstairs for me and setting it up next to my bed.
After we walked back down the stairs together, he knelt down to get a look at Bea while she slept in her car seat on the living room floor.
He whispered, “She’s precious.”
“Thank you. She likes to sleep during the day and keep me up at night. They say to sleep when the baby sleeps, but I can’t. I have too much to get done when she’s sleeping.”
He stood up and lingered a bit then said, “Well, if there’s anything you need, I’m right next door. Seriously…if something breaks, or you need help lifting something…don’t hesitate.”
“I really appreciate that more than you know. Thank you.”
When the door shut, a smile spread across my face. Poor Roger had no clue he’d be assembling a crib soon.
With Bea still sleeping, I decided to head upstairs and put some of our clothes away. On the way to my bedroom, I couldn’t help stopping in Justin’s room. I lay down and sniffed the pillow on his side of the bed. This time it wasn’t my imagination; it still smelled like his cologne. There was the feeling of longing again. I hugged the pillow, and a teardrop fell down my cheek. I’d done a decent job of harboring these feelings for almost a year. This was the moment it all unraveled.
I miss you.
Justin had called and texted me many times over the past several months. I would let him know I was okay but insisted that I didn’t need his help. He wasn’t very active on social media aside from posting a few pictures from gigs—mostly of his audiences—here and there on Instagram. I would stalk Jade’s Facebook page for small glimpses into their life in the city, so envious of their freedom. I missed him terribly but knew that distancing myself was for the best.
Right after Bea’s birth, I texted him a picture of her. He once again offered help, both monetarily and otherwise. I’d always refused. He and Jade ended up sending me a generous gift card to Babies R Us, which I used to buy Bea’s bassinet and bouncy seat.