Total pages in book: 215
Estimated words: 199344 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 997(@200wpm)___ 797(@250wpm)___ 664(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 199344 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 997(@200wpm)___ 797(@250wpm)___ 664(@300wpm)
Hours pass where I mourn the life I’m never going to have, the grief overwhelming me, and when the tears have finally started to ease, Mom promises that first thing tomorrow, we’ll talk to Dr. Sanchez about our options and where to go from here.
None of us move even an inch, too afraid to let go, and just when I start to fall asleep on the couch, the door opens, and Noah strides in, his eyes so bright as he looks at me with that single orange tulip in his hand. But taking in the devastation in my eyes, the tulip drops to the ground. “Zo,” he breathes, shaking his head. “No. No, no, no.”
Pushing myself up from the couch, I shakily make my way across the living room and right into his arms, reaching up and cupping his face. “Come on,” I whisper. “Let’s go talk.”
Fear flashes in his eyes, his chest heaving as I take his hand and pull him toward the stairs, not having the strength to pull him along like I used to, but he follows nonetheless, and every step up the stairs kills me, knowing what I have to tell him now.
I get halfway up the stairs when Noah sees just how much I’m struggling and scoops me up into his warm arms, holding me close against his chest before taking me right up to my room and lowering me into my bed.
As I reach for my blankets and pull them up, snuggling right into my bed, I catch sight of the photograph on my desk—the little six-year-old girl who pushed through the worst. She was a fighter, a freaking rockstar. She gave everything to give me the life I had, to give me the chance at a future, and I’m letting her down. She’s so much stronger than I am, and I’m so grateful for the ten years she was able to give me.
Noah sits on the end of my bed, his elbows braced against his knees as if knowing that whatever I’m about to tell him is going to change his world forever. Fresh tears linger in my eyes, and I can’t stand the distance. Throwing my blankets right back again, I scramble across my bed and climb into his lap, straddling him as my arms lock so tightly around his neck, our chests pressed firmly together.
“Noah,” I breathe, my voice breaking.
“Just tell me,” he begs, unable to bear it a second longer.
“The radiation therapy,” I whisper as I take a shaky breath. “I’m not strong enough. I can’t do it.”
He closes his eyes, his forehead dropping to my shoulder as his arms tighten around me, and when I feel his tears dropping to my collarbone, I break all over again. “What . . . What does this mean?” he asks, the agony in his tone like nothing I’ve ever heard.
“It means . . .” I start, my bottom lip trembling. “They’ll make me comfortable—”
“Don’t fucking say that,” he demands, lifting his head and looking straight into my tear-filled eyes. “There has to be another option, something else we can do. I’m not ready to lose you, Zo. You’re my whole fucking world. You promised you wouldn’t leave. I can’t lose you.”
“Noah—”
“Please,” he begs, gripping my waist so tight that his fingers dig into my fragile skin. “Please, Zoey. For me. Fuck. Don’t give up on me like this. I need you to keep fighting.”
I crush myself back into him, my arms pulling him in even tighter as I curl my face into the curve of his neck, breathing him in. “I’m not giving up,” I promise him. “I want to have another fifty years with you. I want to take your last name and build a life with you. I want it more than you’ll ever know, and it’s that vision that’s allowed me to get this far, but every day, this disease kills me just a little bit more. I don’t have what it takes to survive more treatments. I’m not strong enough, not anymore. Believe me, if I had what it took to push through and fight this, I would do it without question because I’m terrified of having to leave you, but I’m out of time. I’m going to die, whether we’re ready for it or not, and when that happens, I want to do it right here in your arms, not in some hospital, filled with drugs that are only making me feel worse. I want to live what little time I have left, and I want to do it right by your side.”
He shakes his head, taking my face and lifting it from his shoulder, his dark eyes lingering on mine. “This can’t be the end, Zo,” he murmurs, leaning in until I feel his lips brushing over mine. “I can’t lose you.”