Total pages in book: 93
Estimated words: 88207 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 441(@200wpm)___ 353(@250wpm)___ 294(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 88207 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 441(@200wpm)___ 353(@250wpm)___ 294(@300wpm)
His gaze shifted to mine, his eyes wide with awe. “Really?”
“Really,” I replied with a peck to his nose. “I have a backyard that needs to be used more often.”
“Sounds perfect.” He laid his head on my chest, and I felt him smile into my skin.
25
Seth
“You can’t stop smiling,” Jesse said as we sat on my couch. He was right, and I didn’t even try to hide it. I wasn’t sure I could if I wanted to.
“That’s because I’m happy.”
Jesse shot forward, going from relaxing against the back of the sofa to sitting up. “I recognize that look. It’s a sex-drunk look. Spill.”
This was me, so of course my stupid cheeks flushed with heat. “A gentleman never tells,” I teased, but really I wanted to. Jesse had shared so much with me over the years, and I was bursting at the seams to be able to do the same. The other night with Jake had been…it had been incredible. It was like I was still living through the experience, like it gave me an extra bounce in my step and made me hold my head up higher. Maybe that was stupid, but it was how I felt.
“Well, since neither of us is a gentleman, there’s no problem there.” He playfully swatted my thigh. “Seriously, though, you don’t have to. I just… It feels good to see you like this. You’re coming out of your shell.”
I really, truly was. I felt like a different Seth, or at least that I was becoming one. I wanted to shout it from the rooftops, but I wouldn’t. Still, I couldn’t help but tell Jesse, “I’m apparently very good at blowjobs.”
His eyes widened. I knew it wasn’t a big deal for him. Jesse had done everything and done it long before I did, but he never made me feel weird about my lack of experience.
“You slut!” he teased, and I chuckled. Then he sobered. “You know that’s okay, right? To be really good at BJs, or to really fucking like giving them. I love giving head. It’s—”
“Empowering,” I cut him off. When Colton had tried to force me, I’d had no power in the situation. I’d taken that back, that control, and it did make me feel strong.
“It can be, for sure.”
I paused for a moment, teased the seam on the couch that I hated and that wasn’t my taste at all. “I feel like I’m starting to take parts of my life back, if that makes sense. Or not even taking it back, because I never allowed myself to have it, but I’m claiming it now. I know that probably sounds ridiculous when we’re talking about sex, but that’s only a part of it. I’ve…well, I’ve always been a sexual person.” I chanced a glance at him, and of course there was no judgment there.
“I know you have.” Jesse sat back again, this time leaning his head against my shoulder. “I always wanted that for you because I knew you wanted it. That’s why I always shared that stuff with you.”
“I know, and I’d always wanted what you had, the confidence to be sexual. It’s why I kept asking for your stories.” Jesse had continually supported me in different ways. “But I was scared. I had a bad experience when I was a teenager. He tried to manipulate me into doing things I wasn’t ready for. When I didn’t, he was mean to me afterward and made me feel like…I don’t know. Like I was broken or wouldn’t ever be good at sex. I was scared it would make me feel like I had no control, like I did that time, or that whoever I tried to hook up with would somehow confirm what he’d said about me. That made me lock these things up—the sex stuff.” That didn’t include all the ways my mom and her sheltering had changed me, the way she made me feel like the person I was inside wasn’t enough. “Being with Jake has taken the lid off that. Maybe not all the way, but at least cracked it, and now I’m starting to escape. Like he’s helping me own these things, and it makes me feel…well, like I said—empowered.”
“Which is great, but as awesome as Jake seems to be, let’s not give him all the credit, okay? You’re pretty damn strong on your own. You’ve never let yourself see it, and maybe no one but me ever told you before. But you are, and with or without Jake, you would have gotten there.”
I nodded, even though I wasn’t so sure about that. “I really, really like him, Jess. He makes me feel safe. Is that how Dane makes you feel?”
Jesse reached over and drew circles on my jeans with the tip of his finger. “Yeah, among other things. He makes me feel safe and loved and accepted. Strong, sexy. I don’t mean to brag, but I’m pretty fucking good at sucking dick too.”