Total pages in book: 93
Estimated words: 88207 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 441(@200wpm)___ 353(@250wpm)___ 294(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 88207 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 441(@200wpm)___ 353(@250wpm)___ 294(@300wpm)
Jake cleared his throat, looked down at the ground beef, watching what he was doing rather than me as he spoke. “Anyway…he’d been a real asshole to my mom. She was having a hard time, and we had this neighbor who was a nail tech. I told her I’d babysit her kids if she did my mom’s nails. I remember how happy it made my mom. Maybe to some people that’s small, but she felt pampered and special while she got her nails done, so I get it.” He looked at me and cocked a brow. “I think you should do it. I know it’s not my business, but if that’s what you want, and it sounds like it is, you should do it. Your reasons behind it are very you.”
“That’s funny because I was thinking you babysitting to do something nice for your mom is very you.” It surprised me that I’d said those words so easily, but Jake put me at ease. Talking to him felt natural.
“I guess we’re both pretty sweet.” He smiled. “Now let’s get these burgers on.”
“Okay,” I said, smiling too.
We went to his backyard, and he already had the grill going. Jake put the burgers on, and we chatted some more as they cooked—about nothing important, just the weather, and how we felt about the rain during the rainy season, and some work he wanted to do around the house.
We ate outside because it was a beautiful day, and I told him about piano lessons as a kid and that I was thinking of looking for another job, but I knew my mom would freak out because I’d turned down an internship. He didn’t make me feel stupid or question me about why I let her run my life. Maybe he understood the power parents sometimes held over their children, even when they were adults.
After dinner, I insisted he let me do the dishes, but he only agreed if we did them together, which we did, and it felt nice. Like we were a team. I wanted to be a team with Jake.
A little while later, we were sitting on the couch, when I made myself say, “I wanted to thank you again…for the other night. I’m sorry you had to do that.”
He turned to face me, concern in his features. “You don’t have to thank me, and you sure as shit have nothing to apologize for. I wouldn’t have done it if I didn’t want to, Seth.”
“I know,” I replied, because somehow I did.
“Do you wanna talk about what happened?” he asked softly. “Actually, I apologize. I had no business asking that.”
“It’s okay,” I rushed out, and I realized it was. “Like I said, it wasn’t technically an assault or anything, because he didn’t actually force me. He was a close family friend. Colton was everything I wasn’t—popular, confident, couldn’t wait to rule the world, like my mom. I was surprised when he started asking me to hang out without our families.”
I took a couple of deep breaths, surprised I was sharing all this with him. But Jake’s innate kindness made it easier, made me want to do it. “Anyway, looking back now, I see he didn’t like me romantically, the way I did him, but that day I thought he did—or I wanted him to—so I forced myself to believe it. I needed that. I wanted to feel love and affection. Everything was so cold at home. Obviously, it wasn’t real love, but our minds are really powerful. It’s easy to turn want into reality in our heads. So when he asked me to hang out, I said yes. He told me he wanted to go to his room, and I was a little nervous but agreed. He told me I was cute and asked me if I liked him. He kissed me, and I wanted it, liked it, but then things escalated quickly. I don’t…I don’t know if I can explain it.”
“Take your time,” Jake said. “And if you’re not ready, don’t do it.”
God, why was he so great? He opened up something inside me I hadn’t known was there. “I want to. It was like…in flashes, if that makes sense. During part of it, I sort of froze. I looked it up; it’s called disassociating, and it’s fairly common.” Ugh. Now I was rambling. “So like I said, we were kissing and I liked it. He pushed me to my back, and I started to get nervous. Then he was taking off our clothes, and I put my hand on his to slow him down, but he…well, I guess he manipulated me? He kept saying that if I liked him, I’d do it. Um…so, I let him, but when he flipped me over roughly, I thought…” God, why was this still so hard? “I thought he was going to try and have sex with me, so I told him no. He was upset but didn’t go any further. Instead, he kept pushing my head into his lap and putting his erection to my mouth, trying to coax me to…you know…” I felt so small, so embarrassed sharing this with him, yet in other ways, I knew I needed to get it out. That day had been trapped inside me for years, and it was like a weight was lifted off as I set it free.