Total pages in book: 163
Estimated words: 164828 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 824(@200wpm)___ 659(@250wpm)___ 549(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 164828 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 824(@200wpm)___ 659(@250wpm)___ 549(@300wpm)
What can I possibly write to make sense of this? I just want him to understand, although I’m not even sure myself.
I’m just going to lay it all out on the table. He can decipher it as he wishes.
Nathan.
Timing hasn’t been kind to us, my darling.
We met ten years ago by, what I thought at the time, was an accident.
It was anything but an accident. I believe it was fate.
I was meant to meet you, to be by your side as a friend for ten years. We were meant to fall in love, and in a perfect world we would have ruled that world together.
But I have doubts, and not about my feelings for you, because they are set in concrete. I will love you for all of eternity.
My fears are for you.
You see, Nathan, I know how much you care about me, and I know that any man who sleeps beside a woman for a long period of time will develop feelings for her. You were blindsided by your attraction to me, and in the end, you couldn’t fight it. We moved quickly and fell in love, and the days I spent in your arms are the happiest times of my life.
But things fell apart, and I’m broken-hearted, battling to get through the days. So, I’m going to explain things from my perspective. I’m not saying I’m right and you’re wrong or vice versa. I’m just trying to find a solution to this mess.
And being honest with each other seems like the only thing we haven’t yet done.
When you went to Stephanie when you had feelings for me, it broke something between us.
The trust I had in my best friend was lost.
I tried to get it back, but it never recovered. I was insecure about her, and then in Majorca, you told me that the biggest regret in your life was leaving Robert. It made me wonder if you’d ever gotten over him.
A feeling that stayed with me throughout our time together.
We came back to San Fran and moved in together immediately, I never resolved my Stephanie and Robert fears. This was entirely my fault, not yours. I blame myself for not talking to you and trying to resolve this earlier. I didn’t want to be the insecure girlfriend. I thought you deserved better.
Then I found out that you spoke to Robert every day, and obviously still cared for him. That, coupled with the fact you were friends with Stephanie all along and had lied to me about it, left me feeling so betrayed and only fueled my fears even more so.
While being desperately in love with you, my insecurities were spiralling of control.
Then, I met Zavier at the conference.
He was lovely, and we clicked straight away. I knew from the first moment that I talked to him that you and him were lovers. I wasn’t upset about it. I can see why. He’s beautiful.
We met, we spoke, and he told me about the two of you, and I understood. He said you were a wonderful person and he wished us the best. But at the end of the conversation,when I told him about our friendship for ten years, he said that it made a lot of sense.
All week at the conference, I wondered what he meant by it, and on the last day before I flew home to you, I asked him to elaborate as to what he meant.
He said that perhaps he thought you wanted children and your body has started to crave mine to fulfill its destiny. He also said that you had told him that you were still in love with Robert.
I was beyond devastated.
Crushed that perhaps we had fallen in love under false pretences, and that, no matter how much we loved each other, your love for Robert was never going to go away.
I was selfish, too proud to tell you my fears, and I talked to my friends instead of you. I thought I could handle my insecurities myself. I didn’t want you to see how badly I was struggling with us.
Because us was so, so beautiful, and you deserved better.
Maybe when you love someone as much as I love you, fear is always present. An evil, waiting in the wings to steal happiness.
I drop my head as a tear rolls down my cheek. God, this really is it for us. I blink to try and focus, and I begin to write again.
Then Robert came to you and professed his love, and seeing your reaction to him, I know it hurt. It’s obvious that you still love him.
You wouldn’t talk to me. You withdrew. Even through a pregnancy scare, we were distant. I died a little every day without you. At a time when I needed you the most, I was completely alone, faced with the possibility of having a child with a man who loved another.