Total pages in book: 163
Estimated words: 164828 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 824(@200wpm)___ 659(@250wpm)___ 549(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 164828 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 824(@200wpm)___ 659(@250wpm)___ 549(@300wpm)
And I would rather die than have to be witness to his life with Robert.
* * *
I’m waiting on the sidewalk when Nathan’s Tesla pulls into the curb.
“Hi.” I smile as I get into the car.
“Hello.”
We pull out into the traffic, and it’s there again.
This awkwardness between us. I have this overwhelming feeling that like I’m forcing him to stay against his will. I was hopeful, now that the pregnancy thing was over, that things would return to normal…. Guess not.
I turn the radio on, and we drive for a while, not speaking. A song by Evanescence comes on. My Immortal. I’ve never really listened to the words before, but it fits our situation perfectly.
We both stare out of the windscreen as the sad words sing out. It’s like it’s talking directly to my soul.
And if you have to leave, I wish that you would just leave.
That’s exactly what I feel is happening to us.
I watch Nathan as he drives, void of emotion, a shell of the man that I love, and I know what I need to do.
I’m not going to let us hate each other.
I’m going to give him the space that he needs. Soon, I will know if he loves me or not.
Either way, I need answers.
* * *
It’s 8:00 p.m., and we’re sitting on the couch in silence. We had take-out, and I feel sick to my stomach.
I frown as I try to work out how to broach the subject. “So, um… you know how I told you I wasn’t liking my new job?”
His eyes come to me. “Yes.”
“I’ve thought of a solution that might… help us both.”
“What’s that?”
“I applied for a job at the private hospital and I got the email today that said I was successful.”
He nods as he listens. “Okay.”
My eyes search his. “The job’s in New York.”
“What?” He sits up abruptly. “What do you mean, it’s in New York?”
“It’s only four days a week. And it would give us some time, you know.”
“Time for what?” he snaps as he stands and marches into the kitchen.
I run after him like a puppy. “You can sort out your baggage with Robert, and then we can start afresh. We moved in together too quickly, Nathan.”
“What?” he explodes. “I don’t have any baggage with Robert.”
“Yes, you do, Nathan. You’ve been distant ever since he came here.” His eyes hold mine.
“And I know you would never leave me… so.”
His face falls as if having an epiphany. “So, you’re going to step aside for him?”
My eyes fill with tears. “I can’t compete with Robert. What do you want me to do?”
“I want you to fight for us, goddamn it!” he cries. “Why can’t you compete with Robert? Tell me why?” He demands.
“If you want a man…” My voice breaks. “I can’t compete.”
His face falls, and he steps back from me as if I’ve just delivered a physical blow. “And there it is again,” he whispers.
“What do you mean?”
“You are the last person.” He sneers in a whisper. “That I ever thought would judge me based on who I’ve loved in the past. That would gauge my capability to love based on what you think it should be.” His face falls. “I thought you knew me.”
“That’s not what I mean.”
“You’re never going to drop this.” He shakes his head as if totally convinced.
“Nathan.”
“There’s always going to be this seed of doubt in your mind. I’ll never just be the person who loves you. I’ll always be a guy who gave up men for you.” His eyes fill with tears. “Love is love… until it isn’t.”
My eyes search his. “That’s not what I mean.”
“That’s what you said,” he whispers.
“I can go to New York and… and give us both some time… maybe,” I stammer.
“I don’t need time!” he cries. “I need you!”
“I know you don’t see it at the moment but we need this time apart. I’ll be home every week, and we can make it work. It’s just a few months and then I’ll be back. We got together so quickly. It was a whirlwind, and I need to know that I’ve given you the space to contemplate your future.”
“No.”
“Nathan.”
“I said no. You go to New York and that is it. We are fucking done.”
“Stop it!” I yell. “Listen to my reasoning.”
“I’m done listening to you, Eliza.” He picks up his keys.
“Where are you going?” I cry in a panic.
“Out.”
“When will you be home?”
“After you go to New York.”
“Nathan.” I sigh.
“I’m done.” His eyes hold mine.
“Don’t say that.”
His eyes meet mine. “I loved you with all of my heart.” He turns toward the door. “Goodbye, Eliza.”
My face falls along with my tears. Nathan walks out the front door and doesn’t look back.
It clicks shut with a final bang.
24
Eliza
I sit and stare at the paper in front of me with the pen in my hand.