Total pages in book: 127
Estimated words: 121460 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 607(@200wpm)___ 486(@250wpm)___ 405(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 121460 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 607(@200wpm)___ 486(@250wpm)___ 405(@300wpm)
I nodded. “I saw it in the news. And Arro filled me in on a little more.”
“About a year before Fergus went off the deep end, I got word through a friend from uni that Vanessa committed suicide.”
Sympathy for her and for Brodan caused a deep pang in my chest. “I’m so sorry.”
A muscle flexed in his jaw. “A few weeks later, a few of us from that night received letters. Vanessa wrote them before she killed herself. She left them for those of us she felt were to blame for that night and the consequences. In my letter, she … she told me she’d loved me and I’d made her feel like I loved her too, only to abandon her. To leave her to her father. That she’d wanted me to protect her, and I’d failed.”
Horror suffused me, and I reached for him, squeezing his hand between mine. “Brodan, no. You are not to blame for the actions of that man. And clearly Vanessa was not in her right mind when she wrote that letter.”
I watched him fight back emotion, and I hated it could still gut me to see him in pain. “I know that.” He covered my hand with his free one. “Logically, I know it. But it messed with my head. I fell off the edge. Starting fights, acting like an arsehole on movie sets. The tabloids loved it. Then Fergus and Lucy went after Lachlan, Robyn, and Mac, and it shook me out of my spiral. But it also compounded it. I started seeing a therapist. No one knows. But I had weekly sessions with him for just over a year. It helped a lot. So I thought I’d dealt with it. But seeing you again triggered it all.” He pulled me toward him, remorse haunting his gaze. “Roe … I channeled all that anger and fear and hurt into you, and I am so fucking sorry. I cannot even tell you how sorry I am. Every time I think about what I said, what I’ve done, I feel sick to my stomach.”
Searching his face, every tortured feature, I saw only the truth. “I believe you. And I forgive you.”
Vivid relief slackened his features. “Really?”
I nodded but gently extricated my hands and sat back. He watched my movements with the intensity of a hunter. Disappointment glimmered in his eyes before I even said the words, “But that doesn’t mean I can be with you.”
Brodan swallowed hard.
“I appreciate you telling me all this. It makes sense of so much. And while I think I can try to be friendly … I … that you can hurt me so deeply terrifies me, Brodan. We are not the same people we were back then, and we’re holding on to the love between two kids who don’t exist anymore.”
“I don’t believe that,” he whispered.
Needing to guard myself against him, I stood up. “I can offer you friendship, but nothing more.”
Brodan slowly stood too, towering over me, so goddamn handsome it hurt. “I can accept friendship … but if we’re going to be honest with each other from now on, I should tell you I intend to make you fall back in love with me.”
A bubble of surprised, nervous laughter slipped out. “W-What?”
He nodded, deadly serious. “I’m staying in Ardnoch. I have no real clue what I’m doing with my life, but the one thing I know is that I’ve missed home beyond bearing … and Ardnoch isn’t truly home without you, so I’m going to prove to you I can be a better man. For myself. For my family. For you. And you are going to fall back in love with me.”
I crossed my arms over my chest at his arrogance. “You’re so sure of yourself?”
Determination gleamed in his eyes. “I know that when I put my mind to something, I rarely fail. Prepare yourself, Monroe Sinclair, because I’m putting my mind to making up for the last eighteen years so we don’t spend the next eighteen without each other.”
22
Brodan
Glancing back at Arran and Eredine’s house, I waved to Ery as she stood in the doorway watching me and my brother walk down the drive.
“The place looks great.” I turned to Arran as we made a right. The house Thane designed for him had been completed a few months ago, and my brother wasted no time asking Eredine to move in with him.
“We love it.” Arran flashed me a quick smile. “Your plot is waiting for you.”
Anticipation filled me at the thought of putting down roots. “Aye, I’m planning on talking to Thane about it.”
Arran raised an eyebrow. “You’re going to build?”
I nodded.
“Is that why you wanted to talk this morning?”
We passed the plot of land that belonged to me, and I pictured a house there with big windows overlooking the sea. I also pictured Monroe there with me. At the end of the property we Adairs owned in Caelmore was a path that led down through the fields and into sand dunes before hitting a small public beach. That’s where I led Arran.