Total pages in book: 127
Estimated words: 121460 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 607(@200wpm)___ 486(@250wpm)___ 405(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 121460 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 607(@200wpm)___ 486(@250wpm)___ 405(@300wpm)
I jolted. “You lied about Vanessa?”
He nodded, shamefaced. “I thought if you thought I was dating someone else, you’d move on.” He laughed harshly. “I just wasn’t prepared for what that would look like. What it would feel like. When I saw you with Arran … fuck, Roe, it was like someone tore out my guts. Is that what I did to you? With the girls? With Vanessa?”
I didn’t want to go back there. I didn’t want to relive it. “Brodan …”
“Never mind.” He exhaled. “I lied to Arran about her, too, to sell the lie. But I never lied to her. Vanessa … we were just casual. But bringing her back to the castle sent mixed messages.”
“She thought you were getting serious about her?”
“I made it clear that we weren’t.” He looked agonized now, and my heart raced with trepidation. “I swear, Roe, I made it clear. I’ve gone over and over all the moments together I can remember, and I made it clear.”
“What happened?”
“It wasn’t just on a whim that I came home that night. Something had happened the night before and … I just … needed you.” His eyes brightened. “I’ve told no one this story.”
Blood whooshed in my ears. “Brodan …”
“A group of us went to Vanessa’s house. It was meant to be a casual hang. She lived in a big house in the country just outside Anstruther. Her parents were supposed to be down south for the weekend, but they came home that night. Vanessa left the room to talk with her parents, and we could hear her dad shouting. When she came back, her cheek was bright red, and I knew the bastard had hit her, but she wouldn’t talk about it. She told us that her parents agreed we could stay the night, but we had to leave in the morning. An hour passed, and then her dad came into the room we were all hanging out in, and he had a shotgun.”
My whole body chilled as Brodan’s voice deepened with the memory.
“Oh my God.”
“He was wasted and easily antagonized. Well … he wouldn’t let us out of the room. He held us at gunpoint, laughing like it was a big joke one minute, foaming at the mouth in rage the next. The girls were crying, even a few of the lads. The bastard didn’t care he was traumatizing us,” he sneered.
“What happened?”
“He eventually let us leave, but one of the guys called the police, despite Vanessa begging him not to. For Vanessa’s sake, I refused to give a statement. And because of Lachlan’s fame, they all agreed to keep my name out of it, otherwise it would blow up in the press. As it was, it made local news, and her dad was arrested. He did six months for it. I broke off the casual relationship with Vanessa that night. It was one of the shittiest things I’ve done. I was young and scared, and I didn’t want to get tangled up in her mess when I wasn’t serious about her. I know it was selfish. No one could berate me for it more than I already have.”
“I’m so sorry,” I whispered, hating that he’d gone through that … and then come home for comfort only to find me with Arran. Suddenly, his violent reaction that night made more sense. He was already on the edge, and we’d flipped him right over it.
“The weeks after it, she texted me. She showed up at my classes, practically begging me to take her back … to help her get away from her dad. I told her I would help her with the latter, but that I couldn’t be her boyfriend. She didn’t want one without the other.” He shifted forward in his seat. “I was impatient with her.”
Though I’d seen his impatience now for myself, I couldn’t imagine nineteen-year-old Brodan that way. He’d always been so patient and kind.
As if he read my mind, he whispered, “I’d lost you, Roe. Something scary and shitty happened to me, and I needed you, but I’d lost you. You were gone. And it felt like there really was a curse on the men in my family. I couldn’t help her because I was fucking drowning without you.”
At the jagged emotion in his words, tears sprang free before I could stop them. I swiped at my cheeks to rid myself of their trails.
“I’m not telling you this to make you feel bad … I just needed you to know where my head was at. How messed up I was. I thought you’d abandoned me. I was angry at you because I missed you so bloody much. Then … a few years ago, something happened. Something that really fucked me up, and I’ve had a hard time dealing with it. I thought I’d dealt with it … until you. Do you know about Fergus? About Lucy Wainwright?”