Total pages in book: 75
Estimated words: 69170 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 346(@200wpm)___ 277(@250wpm)___ 231(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 69170 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 346(@200wpm)___ 277(@250wpm)___ 231(@300wpm)
He looked from the bottle to his plate and decided that he was not that hungry after all. I ate my filet mignon and sipped my red wine with pleasure. Sheila came over that night since it was a Friday, and we sat out in the backyard around the firepit and had ourselves a blast.
Now Medusa’s grandson can’t stand loud noises, especially the bass in speakers. So what did I do, you ask? I called them Geek people down at the Best Buy and had them rewire the speakers the boys left here that they used to use for their nonsense and had four of them placed on either side of the bed.
One under the bed on his side and, the other in a corner above his head, and the other two on my side but way off in the corners. That damn Sheila still thinks she’s in college with her headbanger shit, so that’s what we listened to all night. He knew what I was up to and pretended that he could tough it out, but those bloodshot eyes the next morning told a different story.
I caught him looking at me when I walked out of the shower and breezed by him like he was nonexistent. I know how much he loves my ass, so my little towel drop was well placed. If he even so much as sniffs my ass, I’ll end him.
Look, I don’t know why this idiot cheated; I never asked. I’m not one of those women who think that only ugly people get cheated on. I’ve never been ugly a day in my life, and my gym membership has never expired. Well, figuratively speaking, since we have a gym in the house.
What I mean to say is that I still look good and can fit into my wedding dress all these years later. I guess he was going through some midlife crisis, but big fucking deal. That bitch Perimenopause has had her foot in my ass for the better part of two years, and you don’t see me hopping on the first swinging dick that came along.
I got dressed and went downstairs to make my special sticky buns cinnamon rolls. I wasn’t in the mood to eat that crap but guess who absolutely loves them. And if one crosses his lips, I’ll slit his fucking throat from ear to ear. Oh dear, I better take those pills that idiot doctor prescribed that are supposed to help with mood swings but don’t do shit for my moods.
I guess he went back to sleep after I left to catch up, but he was soon in my space, smelling like high Karachi and looking like the smarmy snake he’d turned out to be. I kept drinking my coffee at the kitchen table and pretended I didn’t see or smell him enter the room.
“Why don’t we go to that antique auction you like in the next town over?” I swatted my ear at the bug that was buzzing around my head because this fool couldn’t be talking to me. This house hadn’t seen a toddler since Tyler was two, but it was about to have its fifth, and this bitch had all the bad traits you could imagine. Picture Chucky’s offspring. That’s exactly who I was aiming to be.
“Come on, Jolene; I said I was sorry.” You ain’t seen sorry yet. The next time you cry in front of the judge, it’s going to be because you want out of this marriage and this house as soon as possible. I got up, set my coffee mug in the sink, and walked right by him without a word.
Later that morning, his mama came to visit. Now this heifer never liked me, she never thought I was good enough for her son, but she’s been on his ass since she heard about the divorce. Suddenly, I’m the best thing since sliced bread. She thinks I don’t know. She’s only thinking about her reputation and what it would do to her standing in the community amongst her hoity-toity friends if her darling boy got a divorce.
She started her shit as soon as she walked through the door. “Eat a dick.” I’ve been waiting almost thirty years to say that to her or some variation of it.
“Excuse me?” I’m sure she heard because my father-in-law almost choked on his own spit laughing, and he’s deafer than she is.
“How are you doing, sweetheart? You made any cinnamon rolls this morning?” He walked over and kissed my cheek.
“They’re right over there under the warmer, nice and fresh.”
“You didn’t tell me you made cinnamon rolls; I knew I smelled something.”
Kevin got up to go grab one, but the look I gave him had him sitting his ass back down.
He hadn’t eaten since last night, I don’t think, and I could care less. If I had my way, he’d never eat another easy meal under my roof. “Now, Jolene, as much as we have never really gotten along, I think you should just give up on this divorce business. No well-bred lady would ever….”