Total pages in book: 70
Estimated words: 66863 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 334(@200wpm)___ 267(@250wpm)___ 223(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 66863 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 334(@200wpm)___ 267(@250wpm)___ 223(@300wpm)
They were all lies, weren’t they? It was the only kind of sex I’d ever had.
It was after dark by the time I found my way home. I lay in bed all night unable to sleep.
*
It was strange, not meeting Kieran for dinner all week. Not knowing that today, or tomorrow, I’d be at his house cooking for him or watching him cook for me. That I wouldn’t need to shop for him, or I had no plans to watch movies with him.
I’d spent my whole life without doing those things, but we’d created a routine the past few weeks that my mind and body had quickly adjusted to. I realized how much I missed it, how on edge I felt without it, so I sat down to make a schedule for myself for the rest of the week, only to crumple it up and throw it away because it didn’t feel the same.
I didn’t sleep well. Every night I tossed and turned. I thought about all the things he’d said to me.
We can give each other what we need…
Tell me you want to be my good cocksucker…
Good boy…
I very much want to be your Daddy…
One night, I pulled my cock out and jerked off to all the things Kieran had said to me, but I couldn’t come. It was pretty fucked that I suddenly couldn’t bring myself to an orgasm because my brain kept getting in the way. And then I’d hated myself for masturbating to those thoughts. I hated him for making me think of what he said and I was even more determined to stay away from him.
Kieran had fucked with my head and I didn’t like it.
Still, I obsessed about it. I thought about it all the time. About the lightness I’d felt. How it had been like I was floating. Each night I slept less and less, and Friday afternoon, I couldn’t think. I fought to shut my brain down as I went home from work, packed my bags and showed up at Kieran’s house at five thirty, the way he’d told me to.
It was just one weekend. One weekend couldn’t hurt anything. I’d prove to both of us that this wasn’t something I needed.
CHAPTER TEN
“Where are we going?” I asked Kieran as he drove down the freeway.
“You’ll see,” he answered. I thought about pushing him but I knew it was his way to show me he was in control. That he got to make the choices. After the week I’d had, I was okay with it. We’d play around this weekend and I’d get a few orgasms. It would be nothing but play and that would be it. There was a difference between need and play.
Still, there were so many questions I had. I had no idea how to do this or what to expect. Would it just be like it was at his condo? “It’ll be like this the whole weekend?” I asked.
“Yes, mostly. It’s not as if I’ll keep everything from you, but it’ll be my choice to decide when I do or when I don’t.” We were quiet for a moment before he added, “Do you really feel like you need to know where we’re going? Do you truly care? Or do you feel like you should? Think before you answer.”
I thought about the last time I went on a trip. How I worried about the hotel and wondered if I’d booked the right one. Would the neighborhood be safe? What would the service be like? Would it be too loud at night? And what kind of activities would I want to do? If I didn’t book ahead of time, I would miss out, but what if I just wanted to relax when I was there?
What was supposed to be a vacation became all about what could go wrong and wondering if I’d made the right decision.
Did I care where we were going right now? The truth was I’d decided to go, regardless. I didn’t need to have my say because I’d already made a commitment. Kieran had likely done the research he needed to do and I just wanted to…I just wanted to be.
That didn’t mean my concerns weren’t still there. What if Kieran hadn’t done his research? What if it wasn’t what he thought? The question was, did my desire to just let loose overpower my worries? “What if something goes wrong?”
“Something can always go wrong. Something can go wrong walking down the street.”
True. I knew that.
“It’ll be okay, Jared. I’ll make sure it’s okay.”
And those words calmed me, steadied my heart and breathing. Eased my thoughts. Maybe it was stupid because I didn’t truly know him well enough but I wanted to trust him. I wanted to hand control to him, even if only for the weekend. “No. I don’t need to know where we’re going.”