I Could Never Read Online Penelope Ward

Categories Genre: Angst, Contemporary, Forbidden Tags Authors:
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Total pages in book: 90
Estimated words: 88317 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 442(@200wpm)___ 353(@250wpm)___ 294(@300wpm)
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Now would’ve been a great time to tell her she wasn’t alone, that I’d been having all those same feelings and then some. But admitting the truth still felt like betraying Brad. Say I fessed up to having feelings for her. Then what? I couldn’t do a damn thing about it. So I chose to keep it all to myself. I needed to continue to do that until this living arrangement came to an end—whenever that would be. While Carly and I had an appointment to visit the other group home in town soon, we still had no clue how long getting Scottie a placement would take.

“I understand, Carly. We’ve both been through a lot. We’re still going through a lot.”

She nodded, looking down at her feet. “Sometimes I think you’re the only one who truly knows how I’m feeling—why the past two years have been a blur.”

Her words penetrated my soul, reminding me just how alone I’d felt, until her.

“Have you ever seen a therapist?” I asked.

“No, but I probably should.”

“I’ve considered it,” I admitted.

“Really?”

“Yeah. Not just because of the grief, but because of the guilt.”

She tilted her head. “Guilt about what specifically?”

Many things. “You know I was supposed to go to Tahoe with him that weekend, right?”

Her eyes widened. “No. I didn’t.”

“Yeah. He’d asked me to join him and his work friends on that trip, and I’d even booked a ticket. But I canceled at the last minute because I was up for a promotion at work and found out I needed to put together this presentation to sell myself. I decided going away that weekend was going to be too stressful. I told him I’d go the next time.” I shut my eyes.

“So you think if you’d been with him, maybe the accident wouldn’t have happened…”

“Of course. I’m certain it wouldn’t have. I might have been driving, or one little change in the itinerary could have prevented the whole thing.”

She put her hand on my arm. “I’m sorry, Josh. I had no idea. I wasn’t supposed to be with him because it was a guy’s trip. But I’ve certainly had thoughts like, what if I had been—would he still be here? Or what if I’d asked him not to go? Stuff like that.”

I shook my head. “Anyway, it’s pointless to think about. You can’t change the past.”

“No, you can’t. But it’s important to talk about the things that haunt you. Letting them out is the only chance in hell we have at getting over them.”

“There’s no getting over it,” I corrected. “Just getting around it.”

“That’s true, yeah,” she whispered.

I forced myself to take a couple of steps back. “Well, I’ve managed to ruin the mood for you tonight.”

“You didn’t. I appreciate knowing I’m not alone.”

“Okay. Enough sad talk, though. Go have fun. But don’t be surprised if you come home to find the pistachio ice cream gone.”

She smiled. “Go for it. I’ll pick up some more this week.” She moved closer and poked her index finger into my chest. “Better that than smoking.”

“I agree.” I grinned. “Actually, Scottie and I have big plans tonight. So that’ll keep me distracted.”

“Oh yeah?” She raised her brow. “Do tell.”

“Well, first we’re gonna listen to Elton John backwards. That should eat up a good hour or so.”

“Fun...”

“Then we’re gonna heat up some chicken from the fresh batch you made last night, and I’m gonna make this honey-mustard sauce and go all out.”

“That sounds pretty tasty.”

“Then, for our manshower, I’m gonna blast his other favorite, The Wiggles, on the Bluetooth speaker.”

“He’s gonna love that.” She giggled. “What else?”

“After all that excitement, I suppose I’ll hope he sleeps well so I can properly demolish that pistachio ice cream in peace.”

“Sounds like a good way to top off the night.”

Actually, a good way to top off the night would’ve been having her here, too. I cursed myself silently. I had to stop having these damn thoughts.

“Are you taking your car, or is he picking you up?” I asked.

“I told him I preferred to meet him. I like the ability to go home whenever I want.”

“Makes sense.”

Carly looked at the clock. “Actually, I’m running a bit late.”

“That’s my fault. I’ll get out of your hair.”

“I’m glad you came to talk to me, Josh.”

Stop being so fucking nice to me. You’re not helping.

She walked out into the living room where Scottie was sitting on the couch. “Be good for Uncle Josh,” she said, kissing his cheek.

He ignored her and kept playing on his iPad.

She put on her coat and slung her bag over her shoulder. “Well, I’ll see you later. If anything comes up, just text.”

“The only way I’m gonna bug you is if the house burns down, and thankfully I won’t be cooking anything, so we should be good.”

“Okay.” She laughed. “Bye.”

The door closed behind her, and I stared at it for a few moments as I listened to the sound of her car starting. I felt hollow as I ventured into the kitchen and found a note she’d left on the counter.


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