Total pages in book: 114
Estimated words: 103918 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 520(@200wpm)___ 416(@250wpm)___ 346(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 103918 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 520(@200wpm)___ 416(@250wpm)___ 346(@300wpm)
"Are you okay?" Gideon asked as he turned his head and brushed a kiss over my cheek. It wasn't until he did it again that I realized he was kissing away tears. I nodded vigorously.
"Yeah," was all I managed to say. It wasn't smooth or sexy or funny, but it was all I had. It was the truth. For the first time in a long time, I felt like I was okay.
Gideon's mouth covered mine and I gladly returned the kiss despite my exhaustion. I felt him pull free of my body and instantly mourned the loss. When Gideon got up, presumably to get something to clean us both off with, I tried to get ahold of my emotions. Grady had always hated how clingy I'd gotten after sex. I couldn’t make that mistake with Gideon.
When Gideon returned to the bed, I lay there silently as he cleaned me off. The bed dipped beneath Gideon's weight as he climbed in next to me, but I ended up turning my back to him so he wouldn't see me struggling to get control of myself. While we'd spent the last couple of weeks sleeping together each night, the situation had been different. Gideon had needed comforting and I'd tried to give him that. But sleeping together after sex wasn’t the same thing. Grady had always liked his space and on the few occasions that he’d stayed overnight, he'd actually put pillows between us to keep me from crowding him. I didn't want to risk Gideon doing the same thing.
But when Gideon pressed up against my back and softly said, "Talk to me, Lex," it was all I could do to not completely lose it.
"I'm fine," I responded. A few minutes earlier I'd felt so at ease, but the fear of rejection was quickly taking over. There was no way I could tell him that I was terrified of losing him over something as simple as cuddling after sex. Why in the hell would Gideon want to deal with any of that? Who would?
I had no choice in the matter when Gideon rolled me onto my back. That simple act had me trying to stifle a harsh sob and I ended up covering my eyes. That humiliation crawled beneath my skin and undid all the languishing effects of the orgasm I'd experienced. Gideon's fingers stroked through the hair at my temple. "Sweetheart, talk to me. Did I hurt you?"
I shook my head frantically. Never in a million years did I want him to think that. But it was too hard to talk at the moment.
Gideon shifted next to me, but instead of getting up and leaving, he sidled up against me and put his arm around my waist. His mouth was near my ear but instead of chastising me for my foolishness, he began saying things that no one had ever told me before.
He told me I was beautiful.
That I was kind and brave and, in his words, "so fucking strong."
He went on and on like that, telling me things about myself that I found hard to believe. But he was so adamant.
"Stop," I begged because it hurt too damn much.
"Why?"
"I'm none of those things," I admitted. "Not strong, not brave."
I expected him to argue with me. Or do what my brothers always did and demand that I not believe those things about myself. But he did none of those things. What he did was worse.
So much worse.
Chapter Twenty-Four
Gideon
"No you don't!"
It wasn’t the response I’d been expecting. Admittedly, I wasn't sure what I'd been expecting when I told Lex that I loved him, but I supposed that part of me had hoped he'd say the words back.
Never in a million years would I have guessed that he wouldn’t believe me.
"Lex, I—"
"No!" he practically shouted and then he was pushing at my chest. "Let me up," he demanded. With only one arm around his waist, I wasn't really holding him down. Before I could even question what was going on, he began struggling to get free. I automatically released him because I didn't want to risk inadvertently hurting him. His body hit the wall next to him as he scrambled away from me, but he hardly seemed to notice.
"Lex, talk to me," I said desperately. He looked like a cornered animal.
"You don't!" he cried as he shook his head violently. "You don't!"
"Lex—"
"People don't love me, Gideon! My brothers… my brothers do, but not…"
"Not what?" I asked in confusion. But Lex didn't answer me. Instead, he tried to push past me so he could get off the bed. I didn't try to stop him other than to grab his arm so he wouldn't fall off the bed in his haste. But he yanked it free of my hold which caused him to lose his balance. He fell backwards, hitting the side of the headboard in the process before landing on the floor.