Total pages in book: 47
Estimated words: 46847 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 234(@200wpm)___ 187(@250wpm)___ 156(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 46847 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 234(@200wpm)___ 187(@250wpm)___ 156(@300wpm)
“They’re the work of an amateur, it’s true,” he says. “But we were all amateurs once. That’s not a fair way to assess it. You have to ask yourself, Does this person have potential? Your work shows massive, massive potential, Faye. It did even then.”
“Thank you,” I say softly. “I’m not the best at taking compliments.”
“You should be,” he says passionately.
I nod, averting my gaze, afraid we’re going to kiss again. It’s like our bodies are constantly trying to pull us closer together.
“Are you done changing the subject?” I tease as we continue to walk.
His compliment bounces warmly around me, sending fireworks of joy through me. I’ve often imagined hearing Felix praise my work, and my skill, but I never imagined it would really happen.
That’s us, never imagining it, but here we are.
Everything is dreamy with Felix.
He quietly laughs as we make a circuit of the pond. “You’re right.”
“You said it might make me like you less,” I remind him. “What happened between you and Maddie? I don’t understand. You were together for years, since before Lola was born, right?”
“For two months before she was born, yes,” Felix says, his voice oddly cold.
“Okay.”
“I would never do anything to ruin Lola’s memory of her mother. She doesn’t deserve that. Losing a parent to a terminal disease is bad enough. But then to have your father share how he really felt…I could never do that to her.”
“How did you really feel?” I murmur.
Unfairly, my thoughts rush ahead.
Please tell me you could never want her, not how you want me.
He’s basically already said that in the office when he told me he’s never felt like this before. A warm glow expands inside of me, even if it’s unfair.
I shouldn’t be rooting against Lola’s dead mom.
Freaking heck.
“I was pretty confused as a young man,” Felix says after a pause.
He walks over to the railing of the pond and stares at the water, sunlight bouncing off it. I join him, standing so close I’m sure I can feel the heat of his body radiating through his shirt.
“You know what happened when I was in my late teens?”
“Yeah,” I murmur. “I’m sorry.”
“It was a long time ago.”
When Felix was nineteen – Lola has told me this several times – both his parents died due to a faulty gas oven in their apartment. Felix was out with his friends, and he found them when he returned.
“But still,” I say.
He glances at me, smiling tightly. “Thanks, Faye. I was old enough to be able to live on my own, but I still didn’t know what I wanted. And then I met Maddie. She was several years older than me. We got on okay. But the truth is, I was just lonely and depressed and didn’t know what to do. I never felt anything for her, not really, not like….”
Not like us.
A strong urge grips me, trying to get me to reach over and softly touch his arm, to tell him that it’s okay.
But this is acceptable. Standing here with my boss isn’t going to hurt Lola if she finds out.
Touching him, comforting him…that would mean crossing a line.
As if we haven’t crossed enough already.
“The day before I was going to break it off with her…I had it all planned, you see. I was scared of her reaction. She could get quite nasty when she was angry. But she was a good mother to Lola, or the best she was capable of being.”
“You found out she was pregnant,” I whisper.
He stares at me hard. “I don’t regret it. I’d never regret Lola.”
“And that’s why you stayed?” I ask.
“I had to,” Felix tells me. “I remember my parents' importance to me, always supporting me in whatever I chose to pursue. I wouldn’t have become a photographer without them. I wanted the same for my kid. There was no way I was going to abandon them.”
“I’m so sorry, Felix. About everything.”
He shakes his head softly. “You’ve had your fair share of heartache too.”
I think of mom, her passing making me shudder. “I guess Lola’s told you what happened?”
“She mentioned it, yeah. A car accident.”
“An icy road.” I sigh, my shoulders feeling heavier. “Sometimes life is just cruel. But you did a great job with Lola, Felix. Look at her. She’s going to be a doctor one day. She’s kind and happy and good…she really is the best person I know.”
“I agree,” Felix says, and we stare at each other.
As we stare, we know we should stop. We’re talking about how great Lola is, but here we are, betraying her every single moment.
“I can’t believe you think that would make me want you less,” I murmur. “You did the right thing. You stood by your child. I think it’s noble.”
He laughs gruffly. “Noble? Me? I don’t know about that.”
“But why?” I pursue.
“Some people would disagree with you. They’d say it’s better for a child to have two happy divorced parents than grow up in a bad environment. And I agree with that. I always did my best to keep any coldness away from Lola. She never saw it. She never knew it. We were both there for her, right up until the end.”