Total pages in book: 156
Estimated words: 151044 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 755(@200wpm)___ 604(@250wpm)___ 503(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 151044 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 755(@200wpm)___ 604(@250wpm)___ 503(@300wpm)
Tears rolled down my face as a steady ache seemed to pry open my chest. “Maybe things changed, but I never pushed you away. Can you say the same?”
She sighed. “Rayne, when you wanted to change careers, I supported you. Did I think it was a mistake? Maybe, but I still thought it was an experience worth having. A few months ago I woke up in a hospital bed with half my hair and who knows how many memories missing. I thought we were still in high school and my parents were still alive. I thought my brother was still…my brother. But none of that was right. You’re getting married, Chris is on drugs somewhere, and my parents are in a cemetery someplace I can’t remember. I can hardly keep track of the things I’m supposed to remember, and why should I when they hurt me? Some days I just want to leave it all behind and move on. It feels…lighter to be someone new. You have no idea how heavy it is to carry everyone’s expectations around every day and worry I’m going to disappoint all of you.”
She truly forgot who she was talking to. “Elle, my only expectation is that you’re honest with me and that we remain friends.”
“I think it’s a little more than that, Rayne.”
“Maybe I’ve been a little preoccupied with the wedding—”
“This isn’t about your wedding!” she snapped. “It’s about me finding my independence.”
Everything I said seemed to be the wrong words, so I shut up.
“Look,” she said in a calmer tone. “You’re getting married. Hale’s going to be your husband and Elara’s going to be your daughter. I’m okay with that. But I’m not sure you are. Before you get to the altar, I think you need to examine what you’re really agreeing to. No one else is going into this marriage with you. I can’t be there for every decision and disagreement.”
Hurt, insulted, it all started to blur into unwanted pain. Wanting her input was different from needing her to decide for me. Ultimately, I knew it was Hale and I. When did valuing her opinion become a character flaw? Maybe it wasn’t my flaw after all. Maybe this was her issue.
I should have left. I should have walked away then and there and given us both a chance to cool off, but I didn’t because I would never understand why new beginnings sometimes felt like unwanted endings.
Giving up on hiding my tears, I faced her. “Things don’t have to change if we don’t let them, Elle.”
“Yes they do. Without change, we aren’t growing. I want to grow, and so do you.”
“That doesn’t mean we have to grow apart.”
“I can’t drop everything to fly off to New York on a moment’s notice.”
“I never asked you to.”
“You ask all the time.”
And that was a bad thing? It seemed every step I made to get close to her she interpreted as some sort of threat or crossing of personal boundaries.
“New York is your journey, Rayne. The Davenports are your people. I appreciate having a place in that world, but it’s not mine. I need to make my own adventure.”
My entire world was shook. What was she saying? Were we breaking up? If I hadn’t confronted her, would she have told me any of this? I was blindsided and confused, unsure what this future with or without Elle would be.
“Are you still going to be my maid of honor?”
“Of course, I’m going to be your maid of honor,” she said as if it was crazy to wonder such a thing. “I just need a little space and I can’t sleep with the best man anymore. It was different when he was just your boyfriend’s brother.”
Was she saying she broke up with Barrett for me? I didn’t want that. “Elle, I’m fine with you dating Barrett. I mean, it was a little weird at first because I was afraid he’d take advantage of you, but it turns out he’s actually much deeper than I realized—”
“Rayne, stop. You’re putting way too much thought into this. We all know Barrett never stays with one woman for long. It was time to end things.”
The dishonesty needed to stop. Frustrated she was pinning her breakup on Barrett’s reputation when there was another man in the picture, I finally called her out. “I know about Paul.”
“How?”
“Does it matter? The point is this isn’t just about Barrett’s reputation. Why won’t you admit there’s someone else? Can’t we just be honest with each other?”
She lowered her stare. “He’s just a friend.”
“But you like him?”
She blushed and shrugged. “We’re just sort of hanging out right now but, yeah, I like him.”
When she first told me about Barrett, she couldn’t wipe the smile off her face. I still remember how giddy she’d been. This felt very different, but I wanted to understand. I still wanted to be a part of her life. “Does he like you?”