Total pages in book: 156
Estimated words: 151044 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 755(@200wpm)___ 604(@250wpm)___ 503(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 151044 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 755(@200wpm)___ 604(@250wpm)___ 503(@300wpm)
“I’m not stupid, Ray.”
“I never said you were.”
“Then why are you questioning my judgment?”
“I’m not! I’m just trying to figure out what’s going on with you.”
“Stop saying that!”
“Saying what?”
“What’s going on with me. It sounds like I have a problem. There is no problem. Sometimes relationships simply have a shelf life.”
I wondered if ours did, because I didn’t understand any of this. While we were discussing her breakup with Barrett I couldn’t ignore the fact that it felt like she was also breaking up with me. The distance between us was spreading, even when we were standing right next to each other I could feel her putting up boundaries and using half-truths to push me away.
“Elle, Barrett seems pretty banged up over this.”
She laughed. “I doubt that.”
“I’m serious. He—”
“He’s just sulking. Soon enough he’ll have his tongue down someone else’s throat.”
She had him figured out there. But a rebound didn’t guarantee getting over someone. This would make much more sense if she just admitted to having a relationship with mysterious Paul. Maybe I should just confess I knew there was another guy.
I didn’t know what to do. Her lies made me feel like I should lie, when I was always much more comfortable with honesty.
Unsure how to proceed, I opted to take a break and collect my thoughts. “I have to pee.”
I left her to her workout and chucked my smoothie cup. Then I bought a bottle of water at the vending machines because it gave me a chance to nose around in the lobby of the gym where Elle now spent all of her time. I don’t know what I was looking for, maybe a bulletin board that showed all the employees’ pictures by name.
Elle’s shady behavior was starting to really piss me off. As much as I hated confrontation, I loved Elle more, so I knew what I needed to do.
I went back to wipe off my machine and she was still going. “I feel like you’re not telling me something.”
She looked at me, appearing stunned that I was still on the topic of her love life. “Why are you being like this?”
“Like what?”
“Nosey.”
I drew back. Was she kidding? I was only being nosey because she was being secretive. How did my concern make me the bad guy?
Fuck this shit. “I didn’t realize taking an interest in my best friend’s life was so intrusive. Forget I asked.”
“Rayne…”
I walked away, pissed I’d even wasted an afternoon beating up my body when I had so much other shit to do. Work was piling up on my desk, I had a paper to finish for school, and Elara had a doctor’s appointment in a few hours.
When I got to the locker room, I shoved my bag on the bench and looked for my keys. The fact that my vision was blurring with unshed tears was a total inconvenience. When I found them at the bottom of my purse I turned and came face to face with Elle.
“Jabberwocky!”
“Rayne, you can’t get mad at me for living my life.”
“No one said you can’t live your life, Elle. I just thought I was a part of it.”
I refused to cry in front of her, which was weird because this was Elle. But Elle no longer felt like Elle. She no longer felt safe. On the contrary, she made me feel very unsure and confused. She felt like a stranger I couldn’t trust. A stranger who assumed I had less than her best interest at heart. A stranger who just hurt my feelings by calling me nosey when I was only concerned and trying to take an interest in her personal life.
So I lied, “It’s fine.”
“It’s not. You’re upset. I shouldn’t have said it that way. Please don’t be mad at me.”
Said it that way? What the hell did that mean? What was she trying to say? Butt out?
As her supposed best friend I no longer understood my place. “Being concerned does not make me nosey.”
“Well, sometimes your concern feels like judgement.”
“How could you say that? I’ve always supported your choices.”
“You overthink everything, Rayne. Sometimes I don’t feel like having my life under a microscope. Of all people, you should know what that’s like.”
“Are you comparing me to the paparazzi?” I wasn’t sure if there was a lower insult.
Just that morning the tabloids had published another picture of me and Hale. This time they zoomed in and circled my double chin in red so no one missed the fact that I had flaws.
“I’m just saying I’m allowed to make my own choices without justifying myself to you. You’re not my mother.”
In no way did I want to play that role. I wasn’t even the responsible one.
“Are you kidding me? Elle, I do not try to mother you.”
“Well, I don’t need you to take care of me.”