Total pages in book: 78
Estimated words: 73774 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 369(@200wpm)___ 295(@250wpm)___ 246(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 73774 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 369(@200wpm)___ 295(@250wpm)___ 246(@300wpm)
She’s gone.
She thanked me for saving her and then said goodbye.
The thought makes my stomach roil, and I drop to the toilet just in time to puke everything in my guts up.
“She leave?” Declan asks, his tone now cautious.
“Yeah,” I choke out, grabbing a towel and wiping my mouth. “She’s gone.”
“Is there anything I can do?”
“Yeah, you can kick those women out,” I tell him, my eyes going to the note on the floor.
Declan agrees and disappears, closing my door behind him.
Grabbing the note, I go back out to my bedroom and pull the baggie out of my drawer, pouring the powder onto the nightstand. As I bring my nose to it, snorting two lines—the high is almost instant—I tell myself that Sadie’s leaving is for the best. Then I pop a few pills as I try to convince myself that’s the truth.
Three Months Later
Beep. Beep. Beep. Beep.
“Gage, c’mon, man, you can do it. Wake up, please,” Declan says, his voice raw with emotion. I wrench my lids open, and our eyes lock. “Oh, thank God.” Tears fill his lids, his worried features making him look like he’s aged ten years, and my stomach knots, trying to remember how I ended up in the hospital with my friend and roommate sitting next to me and begging me to wake up.
“What happened?” I croak out when I come up with nothing.
“You overdosed. I found you half dead in your room. Kendall called for an ambulance, and they were able to save you.” He exhales a harsh breath as I take in the dark circles under his eyes and the way his brow is furrowed in stress. I did this to him. I caused him stress because I can’t deal with my shit.
“Gage,” Declan says softly. “I have to ask… Did you try to kill yourself?”
His words, his question, triggers a memory…
“Hey, Tor.” I stumble over to her grave and drop onto the ground. “Looks like it’s just you and me today.” I glance over at the three gravestones that have been without company every day since Sadie took off. The first few times I stopped by, I told myself I was visiting Tori. But when Sadie never showed up, and the manager said he hadn’t seen her, I started to get worried that something had happened to her. So I kept showing up, hoping to run into her. I told myself that once I saw she was okay, I would stop. Only she never, not once, showed up.
The last day I was there, the couple I met before showed up…
“I was wondering if you’ve seen Sadie,” I ask, trying to sound as casual as possible.
The woman smiles sadly. “She actually moved away a couple of months ago. Said it was too hard to be here… with the memories and all.” She places a small bouquet into each of the holders. “Sadie asked that we come once a month and bring flowers since she’s too far away to come herself.”
“We talk to her occasionally,” the gentleman says. “Would you like us to tell her anything?”
I shake my head as it hits me. I failed my mom and couldn’t save Tori. Then I drove Sadie away.
“Yeah,” I admit to Declan. “I did. I tried to kill myself.”
They’re the hardest words I’ve ever spoken, but they're also the most honest, and I owe him that—fuck, I owe all the guys that. After I left the cemetery, I was low… so fucking low. I was missing my mom and Tori… and Sadie. Fuck, I was missing Sadie so fucking much. Her touch and her scent and the way she just made everything more bearable. And I couldn’t take it anymore. The pain in my heart just became too much. And I wanted it all to end. I wasn’t thinking clearly and just needed a moment of reprieve.
“Dec,” I choke out. “My heart… it fucking hurts.”
Declan nods in understanding. “We’re going to get you help, Gage. We should’ve gotten you help sooner, but we fucked up. We thought you just needed time, but we were wrong. I promise you…” He takes my hand in his. “We’re going to get you the best fucking help.”
“Damn right, we are,” Camden says, walking in with Easton and Braxton. “We never should’ve let you get this bad.” Camden leans over and kisses the top of my head, and tears fill my eyes. I don’t deserve these guys. They’ve always been there for me, and in return, what do I do? Put them in the worst position possible.
“This isn’t on you guys. It’s on me,” I tell them, needing to take responsibility. I fucked up. I let the drugs overtake my life. Instead of dealing with my shit, I chose to escape it, which not only hurt me but also hurt everyone around me.