Total pages in book: 78
Estimated words: 73774 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 369(@200wpm)___ 295(@250wpm)___ 246(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 73774 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 369(@200wpm)___ 295(@250wpm)___ 246(@300wpm)
At some point, I’ll have to go inside and deal with everything I left behind, so with a deep, cleansing breath, I type in the code on the handle to unlock the door and then enter the alarm code to shut it off.
When I walk through the door, the sight in front of me causes me to choke up: trains… all over the floor. Collin loved trains and would play with them for hours. Too many times, Vincent would come home from work and step on them. A watery laugh bubbles up as I remember the way he would bounce from one foot to the other, swearing the trains to hell.
I switch on the light and am shocked when it actually works since I haven’t paid a single bill in months. I walk farther into the house, taking in the toys and folded clothes. Vincent’s loafers are in the corner. I stop by Collin’s room first, and the second I turn on his light, waves of emotions nearly drown me. He hasn’t stepped foot in his room in over three months, but I can still smell his shampoo. More trains are on the floor. I pad inside and find his favorite train on the bed along with his stuffed train the Easter Bunny brought him. Needing to feel close to him, I slide onto his bed and pull the stuffed train into my arms, dipping my face into the plush material and inhaling deeply.
Memories from the past several years flood back. Vincent and I getting married. Buying this home. Finding out I was pregnant. Collin’s homecoming. Vincent admitting that he had a drug problem and promising to get help…
Tears roll down my face as I remember the good and the bad: Collin learning to walk and talk, and Vincent surprising us with a trip to Disney. Finding out my husband was still addicted to pills. Learning I was pregnant again. Vincent promising that he would never touch drugs again…
I have so many regrets, but they’re all pointless because none of them will change my reality. My husband and son are dead. The baby growing in my belly is gone, and I’m all alone.
I spend the rest of the day in Collin’s bed crying, telling myself I just need some time, and then I’ll figure out my next move. As I close my eyes, his scent creating a warm blanket around me, the image of Gage pops into my head—the way he would lie behind me and hold me close—and I pray to whatever God that’s up there that he gets his life together. I meant what I wrote to him: beneath the drugs and addiction is a sweet, caring, beautiful man. And if I were stronger, I would try to save him, but I just don’t have it in me. I tried to save a man once from himself, and I learned the hard way that the only person who can save you is yourself. Which is what I’m going to do—save myself. Because I’m the only person I have left.
CHAPTER SEVEN
GAGE
“Get up!” The booming voice has me squeezing my eyes as I try to block out the hammering in my head.
“Gage, now!” Declan continues, determined to make my head explode.
“Get out of my room,” I groan, reaching over so I can grab Sadie and get a good whiff of her sweet, floral scent. Only instead of finding her, my body rolls over and hits the ground, chin smacking the hardwood floor. “Fuck!”
“Serves you right. Now, get up.”
I roll onto my back, prying my eyes open, and the first thing I notice is the fan. It’s not the one in my room, but the one in the living room. What the fuck…?
I glance around and realize I’m not in my room but in the living room. How the hell did I get out here?
“Gage, where’s Sadie?” Declan asks, snapping me from my thoughts.
“What?” I sit up and close my eyes when the pounding in my head increases.
“Open your fucking eyes, bro.”
I do what he says and find two women passed out: one on the loveseat and the other on the floor. And that’s when everything comes back to me.
Braxton telling us he’s moving in with Kaylee.
Declan asking if I’m moving Sadie in or if we’re planning to get our own place.
Me freaking the hell out.
Going to Collided—the illegal underground club where I go when I want to get fucked up.
Bringing two women home.
Oh, fuck… Sadie.
I try to stand, but with the drugs still flowing through my veins, I stumble, crashing into the coffee table.
I faintly hear Declan calling my name, but I ignore him as I make a beeline straight to my room, which is empty. I check the balcony, but she’s not there, so I try the bathroom. And that’s where I see it… a note. I snatch it off the mirror and read the words.