Total pages in book: 88
Estimated words: 83586 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 418(@200wpm)___ 334(@250wpm)___ 279(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 83586 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 418(@200wpm)___ 334(@250wpm)___ 279(@300wpm)
“Bob Finch! Don’t say stuff like that about your son.”
Because it would be a bad thing to them. That was what they meant. “I ain’t like Sammy. I just fucked Lacey Prichard two nights ago!”
Mama gasped. “Jasper Robert Finch. Don’t you say things like that in front of me. There’s no reason to be crude.”
Dad said, “She’s a good woman, from a good family, and real smart, wants a family and all. She’d be a good match for you.”
The Prichards did our taxes every year. Lacey went to work for her daddy a couple of years back, and while Dad made his assumptions about her, she didn’t want a family at all. Lacey wasn’t any more ready to settle down than I was.
“I didn’t know the two of you were datin’,” Mama added, and I knew I’d fucked up.
“Don’t go around town repeatin’ that. We’re not together. It was just a thing, is all. We had fun. That’s it.” I was twenty-six years old and explaining my hookups to my parents. What happened to my life? “I’m getting the boxes down and goin’ home.”
I didn’t wait for them to reply, just made my way up the stairs and carried the boxes down. My parents had retreated. Mama was likely disappointed, and Dad was…hell, I didn’t know what he was, but I knew it wasn’t good. My chest got heavier and heavier with each breath, with each replay of the conversation, of many of our recent conversations, all resting heavily on my shoulders.
Being their only child, they had a lot of expectations from me. Getting married and having kids, making them grandparents. Settling down the way they had in mind for me, what they’d wanted from me since before I was born.
The thing was, I’d always thought I wanted that too. It wasn’t until recently that their vision of the future started feeling like it was strangling me, like it was sucking the life out of me and would leave me alone…so fucking alone.
Once I was finished, I did my best to avoid them, sneaking out the front door, since they were in the kitchen in the back.
When I got home, Sutton was showered and dressed, his hair wet, still dripping water onto the clean hoodie he’d put on. There was a bag at the door, which meant yep, he wasn’t coming home all weekend.
“Goin’ to see your girlfriend?” I crossed my arms and leaned against the counter.
“Is there a reason I shouldn’t?”
Don’t ask me that, don’t ask me that, don’t ask me that.
But there was more. I felt it in my bones. “What else? You have somethin’ to say. You’ve had somethin’ to say for a while now, but you don’t. Is it what you’re thinkin’ about every time you space off at work?” I was already raw from my conversation with my parents; might as well cut myself open.
Sutton had a bottle of water in his hand and began peeling the edges of the wrapper. His fingers were shaking. He was nervous, which meant this was big, and fuck, it took everything in me not to go to him, to tell him it would be okay. To try and make Sutton feel better because I never felt as worthy as I did when I made him happy, or made him smile, or just let him know that he would never have to be alone. Not on my watch.
Finally, he said, “I think I’m gonna—no, not think. I’m gonna move out. Not this weekend. That’s not what the bag is, but soon. Kendra’s gonna help me start lookin’ for my own place and…”
He kept talking, but I couldn’t hear him, couldn’t make out the words over the blood whooshing in my ears and the pain screaming in my chest.
It was so fucking stupid. Of course he would move out. Of course we wouldn’t live together forever. How could we? But it wasn’t supposed to rip me apart, wasn’t supposed to feel like my heart was on the ground and Sutton was stomping on it, pulverizing it until there was nothing left.
“I need somethin’ different, and Cloverhill’s only half an hour away. It won’t affect work. We still got J&S and—”
“Cloverhill?” I managed.
Sutton frowned. “Yeah, that’s what I was sayin’. Been in Ryland my whole life, ya know? If I stay here, I’m not sure I’ll be able to figure out all the things I need to figure out.”
Don’t go… Please don’t go…
“It’s not natural, the two of you and how close you are. That’s not the way friends are supposed to be, and if you ain’t careful, people are gonna think you’re like your cousin.”
“I think…I think that’s a good thing.” But I didn’t. I just couldn’t stop myself from sayin’ it. He was leaving me. He hurt me, and the only way I knew how to deal with it was pretending I didn’t care.