Total pages in book: 88
Estimated words: 83586 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 418(@200wpm)___ 334(@250wpm)___ 279(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 83586 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 418(@200wpm)___ 334(@250wpm)___ 279(@300wpm)
“You and Jasper never…”
“Not unless you count a threesome with a woman when we were eighteen, and we didn’t touch each other that way. I think I wanted to even back then. Hell, I’ve never even told anyone, never said the word out loud until tonight.”
Her gaze softened. “I’m sorry. That has to be hard. You don’t think you can tell him?”
I thought about him calling Sammy a queer, and the things his dad said when we found out about Sammy being gay, and how much his family meant to him, how he always wanted to make them proud. “Nah, I can’t tell him. It’ll never happen.”
“His loss.”
If she knew him the way I did, she would know it was mine too.
CHAPTER TEN
Jasper
February
“What are you doin’, bonehead? We already got enough rock back there,” I teased Sutt as he was halfway through filling the wheelbarrow. He’d been out of it even more the past few months, spacing off and not paying attention. “What’s stealin’ your thoughts?”
He grinned, sorta looking away from me like he didn’t want me to see it. “Nothin’. You’ve been askin’ me that my whole life.”
“Well, stop losin’ your train of thought, then.” I nudged him, the two of us chuckling the way we used to but rarely did anymore. If it wasn’t always on my mind how much things had changed, I could have forgotten right then. That’s how much we were like our old selves. But then Sutton must have realized it too because he closed up tight again, reinforcing those walls that were always between us now. I hated those fucking walls, wanted to take a bulldozer to them, but the fear of what was on the other side kept me from doing it. Because if I knew, my whole life might change. I felt that and wasn’t sure how to make sense of it, so I blamed it on Kendra and the fact that Sutton clearly liked her more than he ever had anyone else. That when people used to tell us we’d grow up and things would change, this was what they meant.
“Just tryin’ to get this done before the rain comes, is all,” Sutton said. “It’s cold as shit.”
It was winter now, the months having gotten away from me since Sammy left and Sutton had started putting distance between us. Sammy and I texted a few times, but not about anything important. He’d tell me whatever state and city he was in and about some of the things they were doing, but we didn’t talk about him and Emerson. I didn’t ask him the questions that were always waiting on the tip of my tongue.
“You always get so cold.” I rubbed my hands up and down his hoodie-covered arms to warm him. I wanted us back, wanted to find a way to get to where we used to be, even knowing I’d been pulling away from him too. That way, I could deny how much I needed him, because I knew that wasn’t right. It wasn’t normal. My guard was down today, though, the fight too much, my mind and heart too damn tired to keep it up.
He stepped away from me. “I don’t need you to keep me warm, Jasp. I just wanna get this job done.”
Fuck, he was right. What would someone have thought if they’d seen us? I didn’t think about those things much before Sammy, just once in a while when my dad would clear his throat or make some kinda comment. Or when I compared the way we were to the way other male friends of ours acted.
“Yep. Let’s get to it, then.”
Work was a lot slower this time of year due to the weather and what people were willing to pay to get projects done in winter. Funds were always a little tighter and the days off more frequent. That gave Sutton a whole lot more time to spend with his girlfriend, Kendra. He spent a lot of time in Cloverhill. He didn’t talk about it much, and I sure as shit didn’t ask, but it was clear they were getting serious. Sutton was getting serious about someone, and I was fucking my way through Ryland and the surrounding areas. How many women had I had? How many nights had I been sweaty in bed, a woman naked beside me, feeling emptier than I ever had?
I turned toward the backyard again, but Sutton didn’t move right away. I got almost to the side of the house, pivoted to look at him, and he was watching me like he was trying to tell me something, beg something of me with his eyes. Something I knew and wanted to answer but couldn’t make the wires in my brain connect. “We doin’ this or what?”
“We’re doin’ it.” He adjusted his beanie and followed me.