Total pages in book: 241
Estimated words: 229266 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 1146(@200wpm)___ 917(@250wpm)___ 764(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 229266 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 1146(@200wpm)___ 917(@250wpm)___ 764(@300wpm)
I wasn’t sure if I was even breathing.
“And I know you’re probably still angry with me about wanting to leave, wanting you to go with Kieran, but I…” He closed his eyes. “After what was done to me and everything that happened afterward, I didn’t think I was capable of truly wanting or needing someone like I do you. I didn’t believe it was possible. And there have been so many times, too many times, that I’ve wanted this to be real.”
“What part did you want to be real?”
“All of it. That I had accepted my brother’s fate. That I was bringing home my wife, and that…there was this future I no longer believed I would have. That was all I could think about earlier. The idea of you being here when they came. I felt the fear already. When that bastard Ascended took you at New Haven? I thought I’d lost you.” He swallowed again. “And I know too much has happened for any of that to be real. I know I’ve hurt you. I know when you said you carried the guilt for my actions, you weren’t lying. And I’m…gods, Poppy, I’m sorry. You don’t deserve that. You don’t deserve everything that I’ve laid at your feet, and you sure as hell don’t deserve the fact that I’m still trying to hold onto you. That when it comes time for you to leave, I’m still going to want you. Even when you inevitably do leave, I’ll still want you.”
He would’ve let you go, but I doubt you would’ve been free of him.
Isn’t that what Kieran had said?
“I don’t know what any of that means. I’ve long since stopped trying to figure it out.” His lashes lowered, shielding his gaze. “Can you tell me? Can you read me and tell me?”
In that moment, I couldn’t concentrate enough to read a book, but I knew what I needed from him. “Tell me about her.”
Casteel’s gaze met mine, and he looked…fractured as he looked away, returning to stare at his hands. He was silent for so long that I didn’t think he would speak. That he wouldn’t say anything, but then he answered.
“We…we grew up together—Shea and me. Our families were close, obviously, and we were friends at first. Somehow, at some point, it became something more. I don’t even know how or when, but I loved her. At least, I think that’s what I felt. She was brave and smart. Wild. I thought I would spend my entire life with her, and then I got myself captured, and she came for me.”
My heart sank and plummeted even further when he moved suddenly, rising from the bed.
“I don’t even know how many times she and Malik came for me. It had to be dozens, and you see, they never gave up on me. They believed I was alive. All those years, they kept searching for me.” He thrust a hand through his hair. “And then they found me. I barely recognized them when they appeared in front of my cell. I thought I was hallucinating—imagining that my brother and Shea were there, all but carrying me out of the dungeon into the tunnels. I was in bad shape. Hadn’t fed in a while. Weak. Disoriented. I don’t even know exactly when the two Ascended appeared, but they were suddenly there as if they’d be waiting for us. They had been.”
I scooted to the edge of the bed as he walked over to the terrace doors. “What do you mean?”
“I mean they knew I was going to be freed that day. They knew that my brother—the true heir—was coming. An Atlantian older and stronger than me, and he was going to be within their reach.”
Understanding started to creep in, and I didn’t want it to be true. Oh, gods, I didn’t.
“There was a fight, and all I remember was Shea pulling me away—tugging me away from Malik, taking me through this maze of tunnels.” He exhaled roughly. “All she kept saying was that she was sorry. That she had no choice.”
I lifted my hands to my mouth, almost wishing he wouldn’t continue.
“One of the Ascended came after us, cornered us, and he…he told me everything. Taunted me with it. Shea had been caught when she and Malik had split up while looking for me. The Ascended were going to kill her, and she told them who she was with. She gave up my brother in exchange for her life.”
“Oh, gods,” I whispered, heart cracking as his pain reached out to me, mingling with my own.
“They thought she was going to leave me behind. That’s why they agreed. A two for one special.” He laughed, but it was harsh. “They weren’t prepared for Malik to put up such a fight. That was how Shea got me out. I didn’t believe the Ascended. I tried to protect her, and then she tried to barter again. My life for hers. And I…once it seeped through the haze, through the hunger, that she was the reason they had my brother instead of me, and that she would hand me over to them again, I lost it. I killed the Ascended. I killed her. With my bare hands. I don’t even know if it was panic that drove her actions. It had to be. She wasn’t a bad person, but it couldn’t have been love.”