Total pages in book: 67
Estimated words: 64320 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 322(@200wpm)___ 257(@250wpm)___ 214(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 64320 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 322(@200wpm)___ 257(@250wpm)___ 214(@300wpm)
“Did you see me touch her?” I ask her, taking a step closer to her. “I know you didn’t, because I never would. I’m not seeing her. I didn’t even want her there.”
“She was with you,” she says the words then breathes out with nothing but pain and agony.
“Yeah, she was. A few times in the last week,” I confess. I don’t want her to find out any other way. “I’m trying to fix things and she’s—”
“I want you to go,” she says, cutting me off.
“I won’t until you tell me you believe me.” I look her in the eyes, silently begging her, and wait for it.
“I told you not to. Just go!”
“Never. I would never stray from you.” As I say the words, it’s crippling. Because I know she did what she’s accusing me of. She’s the one who’s seeing someone else, but I gave her the space to do it. I left her side.
It’s all fucked.
She doesn’t answer me, merely shivers in the cold as her bottom lip starts to turn a purplish blue.
“Let’s go inside,” I urge her, but she doesn’t respond. “I want to talk.”
“I thought the funeral might be a good time to talk,” she finally says with tears in her eyes. “Guess you didn’t?
Her words slice through me, down to my core. “It meant a lot to me that you were there,” I manage to say, but I can’t look her in the eyes. The tips of my fingers turn numb and the feeling flows through every inch of my body.
“Didn’t seem like it,” she replies, although she’s lost a bit of strength in her voice.
“I’m having a difficult time handling it,” I tell her, scrambling for an excuse, but there’s so much truth in those words.
James was there at the funeral. He even shook my hand, the fucking bastard. The reason is right there on the tip of my tongue. I wanted to go to her, to hold her. To go home with her and get lost in her love. More than anything.
“You think it was easy for me?” she asks me after a moment of silence.
“You think it was easy for me?” I shoot right back and the memories of the grave, the service hit me. I have to pinch the bridge of my nose and close my eyes as I see the visions of the nightmares mixing with the memories. I shouldn’t even be here. Regret flows through my veins. What am I doing?
“I’m sorry,” she whispers, and her breath turns to fog. The wind blows, and her hair falls in front of her face as I tell her, “I’m sorry too.” I get a little choked up, but I manage to tell her, “He loved you so much.”
He really did. His voice telling me to make it right keeps playing in my head and it kills my strength.
“I told you I just needed time.” I try to make the words come out strong, but instead, it’s a plea. I don’t know what to do anymore.
All I want to do is protect her. Maybe that means losing her forever.
She shakes her head. “What part of us moving on with our lives didn’t you understand? I don’t have time for games or whatever trouble you’ve gotten into.”
“I’m fixing the trouble.” I refuse to give up. “I just need more time.”
“And how much longer is that going to be? How much longer do I have to sit on the back burner and wait for you to love me again?”
“I still love you,” I say.
“You don’t act like it.”
“There’s a reason for everything, I promise.” I have to blink away the scenes of the funeral, of the night terrors.
“I don’t want to hear your excuses anymore,” she says and wipes under her eyes. Her voice is drenched with defeat. “You’re supposed to be here for me.”
I question everything in that moment. I’m so afraid of losing her, but the image of her dead on the ground makes me harden my resolve. I hesitate and immediately regret it.
“I need you to go, Evan. For good.”
“It’s because of Jacob, isn’t it?” I can’t help but blurt it out. I want someone else to blame. Someone else to hate other than me. “You’re moving on with him?”
I can’t help but point out that she’s the one who wants someone else. I only want her. I won’t lose her. I’ll fuck her so good when all this is over, she’ll forget any other man exists.
“You think I need a man? You think I need someone?” Her voice is coated with an anger I haven’t seen from her before. “I never needed anyone! You’re the only one I ever let in. You were the only one I let get close and I’ll be fine, living the rest of my life alone.”